u/UnknownUserZZ69

To make it an even dozen.

I (40M) and my wife (40F) have been married for 15+ years and have 3 kids. My wife makes me feel unattractive and undesired.

Over our time together our sex life has gone from 3-4x a week to 3x a month. I no longer initiate because we operate 100% on her schedule and have the most vanilla, boring sex. About half those times, I think she does it because she thinks she needs to - pity pussy. Those times I’m not allowed to touch her and she’s quick to start penetration. It’s one of the most unfulfilling things. I’m very interested in oral - giving is a huge turn on, as well as receiving, however I infrequently get it, and very infrequently give it. She also doesn’t perform and maintenance down there (very untamed and untrimmed) which bugs me, but her body, her choice. Only when she’s going her annual or other doctor appointments does she trim/maintain and I might make a compliment or comment about how I like it or if she did it for me - which she is quick to shut down.

We are mostly in roommate mode. We don’t go on dates. If I am sitting on the couch, she will sit on a different one, never by me. I try to give her hugs, but she’s always trotting to get away cause she has to do something so insignificant, but I’m inconveniencing her if it lasts longer than 1 second.We don’t cuddle, only if I initiate. I give her compliments- apparently not the right ones. I think she’s sexy and tell her I want her. She gives me none, but may say my clothes look nice. She hasn’t made me feel wanted, attractive, or anything. This may sound weird, but in the uncreepiest way possible, I get more compliments on my looks from her aunt than I do from her. I’ve added maybe 10-15lbs to my physique since we got married, and I am not ripped or toned but also not fat. Her body had obviously undergone changes with 3 kids. She’s added a little weight, but I’m fine with that and let her know she is sexy and attractive to me.

As far as household chores - I do 95% of pickup, cleaning, and laundry. She cooks 95% of the time, when we cook. I do all of the lawn mowing, shoveling, and garden work is split 50/50.

We have discussed all this before - sex life that is dying, no passion, no oral. Roommate mode. I can tell by noon if we are going to have sex or not. I have never seen a woman have so many stomach ailments without needing medical attention, migraines/headaches, back pain, and frequent and long periods.

We have talked about my desire to have more sex, or try something different in the bedroom. She doesn’t address them or just say she’s unhappy with her body, but does absolutely nothing about it. I know it’s not a dead bedroom and our frequency is pretty average, it’s just the quality is so low that leaves me unhappy. I try to tell her how I feel, it goes unchanged, unaddressed or unacknowledged. She sometimes won’t even respond.

I have no idea what turns her on, I stopped initiating because I have figured out we have sex only on her schedule and we only do what she wants and it makes me feel awful after being turned down so frequently. She makes me feel undesired and unattractive and I know she doesn’t like to have sex. - at least with me. She isn’t a diva but makes it known on her birthday she gets to do what she wants and prioritizes her own pleasure and relaxation. Sex is never on that list. I feel like it’s her passive aggressive way of telling me without being direct and hurting my feelings.

I don’t even know what this post is supposed to be.
I’m just an under appreciated and undesired husband like 95% of the guys on this sub.