I need to breath
I’m posting because 1) I need to write down all my frustration and sadness 2) deep down I guess I’m waiting for someone to understand how I feel and tell me it gets better.
I became a step mom 3 years ago before even becoming a mom. Kids were nice to me. I also did everything I could to be sweet and understanding. We got along pretty well. I was very involved in everything I could.
the ex had been awful. Like crazy awful. She’s been so mean to me for no reason, and made my life very stressful. The schedule ? No schedule. « I’m a spontaneous person ». Ok.
When I got pregnant 18 months ago, I was at my limit. My partner (finally) understood and we now have a real schedule (50/50). And a baby who is 11 months old.
I love being a mom to my baby. But one day I woke up and I just couldn’t be a stepmom anymore. Kids are still nice, honestly they are good kid. But I can’t do this any more. I feel like half of my life is just chores and logistic. I spent so much energy trying to please everyone for holidays, Christmas, and now I feel empty.
When it’s our week, I just want to escape. I feel so bad, so bored, so stressed. If I take care of the baby, my partner has to entertain his son. Or the opposite. I hate when he wakes up my baby because he’s noisy. I hate we have to cook for 5 persons. I hate I cannot have intimacy With my partner. I hate that we cannot focus on our baby.
I’m suffocating and I think it’s no one’s fault.
I’m 33 and I feel like I ruined everything. I love my partner, he works a lot and does his part at house. But I don’t recognise my life and myself anymore.
If I could I’d have a flat for when he has his kids.
I’m so unhappy and I’m stuck. And I chose this. I spend my life crying and ressenting my partner and his kids (who did nothing wrong). I feel like such a bad person, and I ruined everything.