Ansakit lang
I know childish ako to be hurt about something so trivial but it doesn't remove the pain still.
So lagi kasi akong nagdedeactivate ng socmeds. I do that when I feel like the world is crashing down on me that no amount of doom scrolling can ease. Or when I just don't want to be perceived. Nag reactivate lang ako to check up on my other friend, tapos unang unang post na nakita ko ay yung dump ng outing pictures ng current college circle ko—na I never heard about nor was made aware of... Super silly but nasaktan ako nung nakita ko sila-sila and some other friends na magkakasama. Ni minsan kasi wala silang nabanggit sakin na may ganung outing pala. Ewan ko ba bakit ako nahhurt nang ganto pero grabe hehehe. Like, to be fair, alanganin din naman ako and unsure kung makakasama but it still hurts na hindi nyo man lang ako naisip ayain...
I know naman na hanggang academic friend lang ang turing nyo sa'kin, and it is my fault to think na you guys think of me as one of you. That I belong. Ansakit kasi here I was thinking na same ang view nyo sa kin, na ang turing din sakin ay friend outside of college. I was hoping that you guys will be different pero I misplaced my expectations again...
Ewan ko ba bakit ang isip-bata ko. Pero God, I feel so lonely.... Lahat ng mga collegemates ko, they have a life wherein magkakasama sila, like truly friends sila. And here I am, always feeling out of place. Gusto ko lang naman ng friends na makakasama ko, yung may halaga pa rin ako outside school. Yung friends na I truly feel na friend din ako in return. Pero eh. I don't know. I wish I was the kind of person na kayang mag-isa, na wala lang kung alone sya, but I never can't gaf...