u/UnstableDollie

I miss you daddy.. We just texted a minute ago.. But you hurt me daddy.. Why someone else?.. Was I not a good enough princess?.. Not lovable enough?.. I was trying daddy... I pinky promise I was trying to be a good girl.. I knew I was gonna mess something up :(( my heart yells at me every time something is about to go down and it did.. I want to forgive you daddy.. My little heart is confused too.. I need you here.. But you're the reason I'm hurt.. I'm sorry daddy.. I really am sorry..

Am might delete this later, I just can't think properly >,m,<

I can't get into anything new.

Everything I like is stupid.

I've lost most of my creativity.

I can't make friends because I'm not into anything new.

I don't watch anime. All my hobbies are dead. I feel dead. And now I might be losing my relationship that I want to fight for. It's just a repeat.. Over and over me and over.. I don't want to lose this one.. Self sabotaging?.. I haven't been doing that recently.. Ive actually tried letting myself be happy. It's so hard. I'm trying to not relapse on a substance. While fighting that demon I'm trying not to be to lovey with my boy because I don't want to scare him off. Now I feel like I'm not doing enough and I'm gonna lose him. Too much. Too little. Back and forth back and forth. Why can't I be just right? I never was back then why am I just like this.. I wanna be likable again.. I wanna be lovable.. But all I've been is a burden. I know I'm gonna scare him off.. It's not what I want, but it always happens..

I hate this false hope I give myself. I wasn't trying to give myself false hope but I move. To. Fucking. Fast. I just thought I was okay enough. Now I'm just thinking having a bottle next to me is all my life is gonna lead to. I love my rotceh so much. But am I really right?.. I wanna be be the right one.. Everything I ever done is wrong.. I miss him.. I miss who I was before.. I just wanna be me again..