u/Unusual-Peak-8923

After being gaslit by doctors I switched around and my new primary care diagnosed me the same day- hooray! I’ve had a lot of heart related symptoms and was referred to a cardiologist specialist as my heart rate is very irregular with low blood pressure. As my type isn’t specified yet and heart issues run in the family, I’m nervous about even the slight chance it’s vEDS. I was referred to a genetistist, but the are super backed up as I am from a small state and there was no availability until July 2027 so now I have to wonder until then to confirm my subtype :/

If my body is a temple why did god give it to me cracked

How am I supposed to care for something that was given to me broken

The cracks bury pain into my body until my temple withers to sand

I thought god turned water into wine

He has so many souls

Why is he destroying mine

People always say god makes you in his image

But that can’t be true

What kind of sick creator would build something so broken

Playing operation with my body before it could even form

Only to condition me to beg for my culprits comfort

Is that why he created pain? fear?

To put me through hell until I’m weak on my knees

My inferior flesh left shivering under the lords might
Not 
Pleading for mercy

If this is gods plan I want nothing to do with the divine

My only sin was wanting to be healthy

Wishing my body wasn’t more painful than my mind

If god made me this way he knew what he was making 

A miserable crippled sinner

Soul primed for taking

This isn't the god I was promised

Every prayer that leaves my lips is a lie

Meant to comfort the child within me that still wanted to believe god loves me 

God cares for me 

God will fix me

But if god built me broken then

Why would he fix me now?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bSVLiEcXHH

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/0qIUVRBP1U

If my body is a temple why did god give it to me cracked

How am I supposed to care for something that was given to me broken

The cracks bury pain into my body until my temple withers to sand

I thought god turned water into wine

He has so many souls

Why is he destroying mine

People always say god makes you in his image

But that can’t be true

What kind of sick creator would build something so broken

Playing operation with my body before it could even form

Only to condition me to beg for my culprits comfort

Is that why he created pain? fear?

To put me through hell until I’m weak on my knees

My inferior flesh left shivering under the lords might
Not 
Pleading for mercy

If this is gods plan I want nothing to do with the divine

My only sin was wanting to be healthy

Wishing my body wasn’t more painful than my mind

If god made me this way he knew what he was making 

A miserable crippled sinner

Soul primed for taking

This isn't the god I was promised

Every prayer that leaves my lips is a lie

Meant to comfort the child within me that still wanted to believe god loves me 

God cares for me 

God will fix me

But if god built me broken then

Why would he fix me now?