About to fold up shop here...
I audhd (34f) and adhd (34m) are basically at our breaking point after three years. We are both medicated mind you. To resolve any conflict is next to impossible there is LITERALLY no way to avoid his rejection sensitivity and Defensiveness that turns to blame shifting and deflecting. I cannot ever express how I feel towards anything. What does that turn me into? The one resenting him for emotionally invalidating me for three years, I get its rooted in shame, embarassment, etc. but even I with my stack could alter the way I go about things if it impacted my partner to the degree it has me. Ive been the classic analysist trying to fix this, save this..which has now got me worn down to the person that's the anti of that. I've just shut down towards him, emotionally, physically. As I write this I am on the couch and he is in the bedroom. This morning he EXPLODED because I did not wake him up for work, which I thought as of last saturday, he was done with the shutdown he was working. He never communicated that with me, and then proceeds to blow up. Hes an adult, who knows his schedule, with an alarm, that's not my job. Do you think there was any accountability or apology? Nope. The anger that leads to blurting out things he cannot ever take back now, repetitively, over three years and the hollow or non-existent apologies that follow mean nothing at this point. His lack of a routine, inability to follow through, forgetfulness, etc. is hard to deal with as someone that has found relief in my diagnoses and life with having worked hard to establish that. I'm sick of the expectation that I have to remind him, like a child. This is like a cummulative buildup of mistrust, resentment, hurt, lack of communication, and emotional burnout. Couples counseling is not an option, he doesn't see it as anything but a waste of money. So effective communication seems impossible. Am I wrong for wanting to be done here?