I was re-victimized at the Emergency Room by the ER staff when seeking treatment hours after being sexually assaulted.
My experience happened in 2010 and I recently learned of a friend getting treated no better after all these years which is why I’m sharing my story.
When I was 24 I was brutally sexually assaulted by an acquaintance. To better show how horrible the hospital experience was I’ll share my physical injuries. I had hand print bruises on my shoulders, my nipples were swollen and crusted with blood where they ripped some. I had a bite mark bruise where teeth broke the skin on my upper right side beneath my breast, my inner thighs had multiple misshaped bruises, and my vagina was very swollen and ripped in two places.
My sister convinced me to at least go to the hospital to get checked for STD’s when I refused to report to the police because we lived in a small town of 6,000 people, everyone knew everyone, including police and medical staff at our local hospital but I somehow didn’t register that medical staff at the hospital likely being familiar faces.
It was a Sunday morning and all 10 metal chairs in the small ER waiting room were full. When you get inside there’s a glass door that slides open but needs to be pressed by a nurse on the side where the exam rooms are so you have to stand in front of the glass door on the side in the waiting area.
The nurse opens the glass door and looks at my sister then me and asks what do you need to see a doctor for? I’m literally 6 inches from the last chair in the waiting area so everyone can hear the entire conversation so I look at the nurse pleading with my eyes not to make me say why in front of these people. My sister says can she tell you once she gets in the exam room? Nurse says ‘I can’t put you in an exam room until I know what you need so I can know where to put you.’ I burst into tears and say it’s personal. Nurse lowers her voice slightly and says “I can’t help you if you can’t tell me what you need help for.” So my sister says “She needs to be tested for STD’s”.
I think my demeanor coupled with that statement registered for the nurse that this was likely an assault type issue so she immediately takes me in the back without the option of my sister coming with me. In the exam room I explained I was sexually assaulted and I just wanted to be examined to make sure I didn’t catch anything from the person who assaulted me. She left and came back with a male nurse and with her there he explained to me that the police needed to be present for any exam performed to collect evidence and asked if I wanted to report the assault. I explained that I didn’t want to do that, I just want to be checked and go home.
The whole atmosphere shifted as well as both nurse’s demeanors after that. Because I declined to file a police report they didn’t believe I was a victim. By their way of speaking to me and handling things it was obvious to me that they likely thought I got drunk, had a one night stand that I was now regretting and was making sure I didn’t get any STD’s when I was being easy but was embarrassed so I was making up the assault.
I was given a gown and told to undress. After 15 minutes a male doctor who was atleast 70 possibly up to 80 years old walked in with both nurses. He again asked me if I wanted to make a police report and informed me that if he examined me without the police then I could not change my mind. I declined. He told me to lower my robe so he could check for injuries even though i stated I only wanted to be tested for STD’s. But I felt some satisfaction knowing the very visible and painful injuries that he now had to see. Only tells me to lay down and lower my bottom on the table. He grabs the speculum and silent tears are already running down the sides of my head into my ears but with a gloved hand he starts examining the outside of my vagina and I’m whimpering because it was painful.
He slams the metal speculum on the metal tray hard and in a raised, annoyed voice tells the female nurse to go get the pediatric speculum because “She’s” obviously not going to allow me to use these! I’m left in a room with a male doctor and male nurse by myself with my legs spread and the doctor stays sitting between my opened legs where he needs to sit to examine me but doesn’t touch me or say a word. I just stare at the ceiling in this silent room until the female nurse comes back who won’t even look at my face.
The doctor does a quick few swabs and tells me he’s done and walked out. As I’m sitting up the male nurse walks out and the female nurse tells me that I should be contacted by phone in the next 2 weeks for my results but in 6 months I’ll need to get tested for HIV again and if that test is negative assuming it is the first one, then I’m clear but even though the first may be negative, I could still be positive which is why I need 2 tests 6 months apart. Male nurse walks in, asks me to sign a paper and hands me a paper with STD information and tells me I can leave after I’m dressed.
Even with the physical, visible signs that I was assaulted, I was made to feel like a stupid, irresponsible, dirty, dramatic female who put herself in a situation where I let myself get raped or made some decisions that were too ugly in the morning and I was dealing with the consequences of my actions.
All tests were negative. Thankfully wasn’t nurses I knew from our small town. But i can’t help but feel for the women who don’t have visible signs of assault that don’t want to press charges because my injuries were so obvious and so hard to brush off as rough sex and I was still treated as though I was to blame or overreacting. But how I was treated by medical professionals was the exact reason I didn’t want to try to convince law enforcement officers or have to go to court.
Stay safe. Do what you feel is best for you. And trust your own experience and judgement.