AITA: Struggling with Abstinence in my relationship
Am a very private person and have tried to get through this with my partner, but am confused and overwhelmed.
Background: I am in my 30s and a virgin. I grew up in a family full single parent at every generation above me. A lot of them were in long term relationships having kids without any strong commitment. I was about 13 when I decided I didn't want that andnsould prefer waiting on sex until marriage. Because I knew I wasn't interested in getting married really young, I basically avoided dating. It wasn't hard because sex is the theme in HS and college.
I am on a relationship now and I was very upfront with my partner about my choi e and boundaries. He said he was down. Since then issue relating to sexual intimacy have been an issue. We’re in a long-distance relationship and I relented to allow phone sex and even sent videos to accommodate his needs. But it's never enough. It always an escalation to push against boundaries set and he's verbally agreed to. When he makes a request and I say no, I can expect to receive vm that are no less than an hour long about how inconsiderate I am of his needs. Him consistently going back and forth has eroded my trust and sense of ease around him. I don't want to say something or share a simple video of of me dancing so it doesn't trigger another rounds of requests. We are so compatible in every other area, but this one. We've talked about marriage and even planning to elope in September due to expense.
With the latest incidence I am seriously consideration if I should take this next step. Am worried that the normal occasional no in relationship after marriage will lead to same pattern of self-pitying lectures that is increasing my aversion of being intimate with him.
I don't know how to resolve this. I’ve thought about ending the relationship so many times, but held on because other than this issue, we’re good.
How can I resolve this?