I feel so bad towards parents because I'm failing and struggling but at the same time they're the reason why I'm like this now
I already expected that I will struggle in college nung una pa lang at sabi ko pa sa sarili ko na I'll do my best as long as I learn because dream course ko naman kinuha ko but right now I'm struggling in school and I have no one to talk to. wala akong tiwala sa magulang ko and they're the ones I should be relying on right now since sila nag papaaral saakin but again masyado silang insensitive saakin.
my mom laughed at me back then for trying to convince her to go to therapy and alam ko naman expensive yun pero may mga public hospitals naman. masyado lang talaga siyang concerned sa opinyon ng iba bago maging concerned saakin.
yung tatay ko naman, sinabihan niya ako na masyado akong bobo para mag aral sa UP and it's God's plan kaya di ako naka take ng upcat and that affected me ever since I started college and it's even worse lalo't na bumagsak ako sa iba kong subjects. I can't help but think that maybe he's right pero ayaw ko na maging affected sa sinasabi niya knowing na hindi niya yan kaya masabi to both of my siblings.
my younger sibling is just in 6th grade and my other brother is 28 and working. ofc masayadong petty naman kung magalit ako sakanila diba? wala naman silang kasalanan and I don't blame them for being smarter— sa tatay namin ako galit kasi no matter how hard he tries to pretend na he has no favorites or that I'm special for being the only girl, he always have this inferiority complex towards me. he loves to make me feel like I'm dumb kahit ako yung tama or when I make mistakes mas lalo niya pa akong pinagmumukhang bobo. tapos dami pa nilang demand na once makagraduate ako ganito ganyan dapat. nakakairita
I really hate na ako lagi mag aadjust or ako lagi yung naguguilty sa pag sagot ko sakanila minsan kahit na never nila inadmit na sila yung may mali. they both love calling me a spoiled for struggling to do basic tasks like cooking but they won't even let me do shit in the kitchen because they don't trust me. paano naman ako niyan matututo? and ik I should've learned it by myself especially nung nakatira ako tito ko nung highschool ako (I was too shy and I don't want to mess up at someone else's home) wala rin talaga silang tiwala saakin and acting as if may mga bisyo ako parang tanga.
my life was way better when I wasn't living with them back in highschool. I was lessed stressed kahit alam ko magkaiba yung hirap ng college at hs. I just want that kind of freedom again.