Stuck with wife that treats me worse than trash
To give you a brief background, I (41M) provide for 100% of our family's needs. I do at least 80% of household chores and at takes care of our 3 yr old toddler at least 50% of the time. I work night shift aside from earning decent money from my passive side hustles.
Just last week, when my wife was shouting at me and treating me really bad for not cooking the meal on time (10 mins delayed), I snapped and shouted back at her. Our child suddenly cried,got scared and started hitting her head for the first time. My wife then immediately put the blame on me and told me that I'm traumatizing the child. Then I broke down crying because I couldn't handle the fact that I'm causing our child to be in so much pain and frustration. I cried and told my wife that I reacted that way for all the years that she has been treating me like trash. I haven't talked to my wife for the past 3 days and I tried not to do anything for her if it is not for the benefit of the child.
Then after 3 days, it dawned on me. On very rare occasions that my wife was the one setting the table for lunch or dinner, she never prepared my plate or utensils. In fact, I realized, she wasn't doing anything for me for the past several years. It was all just one sided. I always get up and fetch her water when she coughs at night. I bought her a new laptop, a new cellphone, a new monitor, shoes, etc. She doesn't even bother say thank you. When the washing cycle is complete and I forget to put my clothes in the dryer, she never initiated to put my clothes in the dryer while I do it 100% of the time for her. I bought her expensive gifts for her birthday, she totally forgets my birthday and nags me to death instead. I pick up her mess but when my things fall down to the floor she just looks and pretends that she didn't see anything. She says bad things about me all the time to her friends and her relatives. She calls me useless and a bum even though I pay for everything and I do so many chores around the house.
For years I've been trying to make her happy. Maybe if I did more cleaning, taking care of the kid more to give her more time for herself then she'll be happy. But nothing worked. All I get is nagging, complaints and snark.
She doesn't let me do anything I like and I even quit going to the gym since we got married because she doesn't like me going to the gym for some unknown reason. I'm was a gym rat for over 2 decades and I quit gym just to make her happy.
I totally want to divorce her right now after the realizations but I couldn't because I still need her help to take care of the child during the hours that I am working. My relatives live very far and it's almost impossible to find a nanny nowadays where we live.
I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I'm capable of juggling all the pieces in my life while taking care of our child by myself. What should I do? Help