u/Used-Reflection5035

17 almost 18, from northeast US, never worked, currently in community college studying supply chain mgmt and able to transfer to a good university once I'm done with my associates. Will give background info in the next paragraph on why this is so crucial to me personally.

Growing up I moved *a lot* because my dad works in different areas that are all pretty far from each other. He's not really a problem himself, the issue is I don't see him that much and instead, I'm left with my mom. She is a constant in my life. Not only was there a terrible incident I am not comfortable getting into the details of around 10 years ago that cemented her as an evil individual who traumatized me for good, but she is all-around a genuinely insufferable human being. I have friends and hobbies of course, but almost nothing as *constant*, for lack of a better word as her looming presence all the fucking time. The only thing I've wanted for years now is to just be away from her. Her presence in my life disgusts and agitates me in ways I cannot put into words.

Anyways, ever since I started believing in collapse I have been absolutely terrified and slowly feeling worse and worse over the idea that I will never get a job or be independent (due to FUBAR economy and job market). That the entire rest of my life will consist of her chipping away at my soul and that the rest of my days will be spent trying to find different ways to distract myself from her. I'm so fucking desperate at this point, **I just have to know if it is still possible to be independent from scratch.** I want true answers and preferably I need this done as soon as possible. I would, genuinely rather pay like 80% of my income in rent than live within several miles of her. I am fine with feeling like this forever if it means knowing the truth at this point, honestly. I need to know if I will ever be able to get out.

I feel like because of how young I am and the fact that I haven't been extremely optimizing every single part of my education and career forever (never worked, never got around to it because of how often I moved) that on top of never being independent I will also never be able to work. I mean, the job market and economy have been getting worse and worse with no sign of even remotely slowing down. What reason do I have to think I'll ever be independent? What the fuck can I do?

Please be very honest and thanks

Am I propagandized or is it true that this country is nothing but a warmongering corporatocracy. I'm serious. I need to know what the fuck there is to not be ashmed of. Our country is a joke at best and disgusting at worst. This isn't in bad faith I am genuinely curious. Half the country cannot read past a 6th grade level, abroad we are the laughing stock of the world because of our annoyingness and stupidity, our infrastructure is dying, and our taxes just go to bullshit wars rather than good causes that help people. I wish I had a country to be proud of, I wish this was a place I could say that I'm from without knowing the troglodytes I represent while stating that I am from here. I understand why so many people are happy not to be American

Every single action I take in my entire life is a meaningless, bread and circuses distraction from the fact that I may work and pay taxes to pedophiles who fund nothing but wars and other bullshit. No amount of giving money (that I will never have, because at 17 now I will never get a job due to fucked market, and therefore will not only never be financially independent (this is what first initially collapsepilled me. This shithole country stole my independence from me before I ever had it) but also never have enough money to give away due to exponentially fucked CoL) will outdo the fact that the fact that I am American makes me inherently evil. It is our people who not only started endless wars and at this point are internal boomerang-ing, but also who spread our """"culture"""" of nothing but consumerism and corporate slop consumption across the world. When you see consumerism and corporate slop in other countries you can thank us. I can't wash the blood off my hands. Idk whether I should want effective escapism or if I should have to face how genuinely evil I truly am. Watch in horror as Palestinian children's limbs are blown off with money I give to the government, for instance.

I'm also so fucking jealous of people who never have to deal with this hellhole. To people who live in countries that are actually countries and not corporate warmongering empires that evil is a million times too soft of a word to describe. To people who pay taxes knowing they will go to infrasturcutre and healthcare rather than ruining the entire planet. Whenever I get on a shitty public bus or think twice about going to a doctor because of the cost, all I can think about is how much better eveyone else has it and I get jealous which I know is stupid because the only reason my life is even remotely good is because the people at the top are disgusting theives. Hell, I am one too. We all are and it will never, ever get better.