Everyone has treated me like shit my entire life
Ever since I was a child my parents neglectied and abused me. My dad was the worst thing that ever happened to me but it wasn’t just him. At school I remember the teachers taking an instant dislike to me, treating me differently and picking on me even though I was a quiet well-behaved child.
Numerous grown adults tried to crush my spirit from an early age. Putting me down. Calling me stupid. Sometimes I cry looking at pictures of myself at that age because I don’t know how people can be so cruel, and I wish someone would save her. This continued throughout my whole school life and university. Plenty of teachers hated me and would pick on me. To the point that other people would ask what I’d done to them to make them hate me.
At age 11 my cousin SA me. At age 16 I developed an eating disorder and had to stay at a clinic for a year. The workers there were so horrible to us, they’d accuse of lying, hiding things, shame us etc.
At age 18 I got roofied the very first time I went to a club and blacked out. Same age I started to experience multiple attempted rapes from men. At 21, my first time having sex was being raped.
At any job I’ve had I’ve been bullied by the manager who seem to love tormenting me. I seem to have this special ability to make everyone around me mad and they lose their temper.
I’m 29 now and i feel so broken from this stuff throughout my life. Im so dead inside. I feel no happiness and haven’t in years. I still struggle everyday with these horrible childhood memories, like flashbacks, and just so many memories of people mistreating me when I only gave them kindness. I still struggle with ED too.
I feel like I learned in my early twenties that people are not safe, at all, ever. They will steal from you, lie to you, abuse you and becoming SPD is the result. I try to block it out and forget these memories. Most of this stuff I’ve never even told anyone, but i always come back to getting so angry.
I think all the time about self exiting. Wouldn’t do it but I wouldn’t mind if some accident or illness did it for me. Sorry for the rant.