Merhaba
Hello. I have been suffering from major depression for about four years. I have tried every medication available. I was hospitalized for four months, underwent dozens of TMS sessions and dozens of ECT treatments (32 times), and received extensive therapy. I also underwent ketamine treatment. My illness began with a specific fear—the fear of losing my spouse (not fear of separation or death, but the fear of losing them). Suddenly, I lost myself; I was no longer who I used to be—I had become a stranger. I still feel that way. There is no issue with the motor region of my brain, but there is a problem in the emotional region. I have tried everything imaginable: religious rituals, healing waters, herbal remedies, sports, exercise, nutrition, supplements, and therapies. Incidentally, I cannot work because of this illness; I have no control over my brain. I constantly feel a deep sense of inner distress. I simply cannot regain my zest for life. I took 10 mg of Parnate for a week, 20 mg for a week, and 30 mg for about 12 days; however, for the past four days, I have been taking 20 mg because my supply is running low and I cannot obtain more. I did experience some benefit—I am able to handle my daily tasks—but the issues with low blood pressure and sleep have remained unchanged. My blood pressure drops significantly; although it doesn't happen constantly, occasional readings show 100/50 mmHg (systolic/diastolic), and I feel unable to even open my eyes. I wonder if I would see greater benefits if I could secure more medication and continue the treatment. Now, in a state of renewed hopelessness, I am considering trying Nefazodone.