u/Vacksta

I've been in and out of different addictions for almost a decade now, and I finally sat down and mapped the whole thing out, start to finish.

2017 - I became a Nurse and began recurring buys into stocks and crypto, didn't touch it much until 2021. The meme GameStop craze hit in 2021 and I got sucked into options after my portfolio went almost 10x. I chased that high and lost everything I'd built since 2017. Took out my first loan, $20k, and lost that too within two weeks trying to win it back. Roth IRA 0, retirement 0, savings 0. Took a year and a half to pay off that first loan. I promised myself never again.

I started dabbling into casino, online casino, more crypto, all while going through one of the most stressful stretches of my life, starting a care home for adults with developmental disabilities in 2020. I used the business as an excuse to keep taking risks, telling myself "its fine if I lose this, the business is about to open."

Care home opened December 2021. Trading kept getting worse, high risk options and crypto futures. 2022 a casino opened near me and in person gambling became regular. 2023 I tried an Amazon business, it failed, lost another $20k.

Where it caved in

2024 - my partner and I bought a new home together, should've been one of the best years of my life. That same year I finally admitted this was a real addiction and started therapy, seeing a psychiatrist and join Gambler's anonymous . Things felt like they were turning around, but a few months later I met a bookie. By December I'd relapsed completely into sports betting. He never enabled me, always told me to stop, he didn't even know about the addiction. Good guy.

I hit a nice jackpot, felt invincible, put most of it on the Super Bowl 2025 and lost. That's when it really spiraled. $75k in loans in a single week in March 2025, another $20k loan in June. There were points I had thoughts of giving up completely, wanting to not wake up. I'm being honest because it was that dark. I have support in place now and I'm in a much better place, but it happened and I want to say it.

Then Super Bowl 2026, I wanted revenge from the year before. Took out $40k loan. Lost it too.

Now

I've stopped. New therapist as of April 2026, built myself a dashboard so I can't hide from the numbers, grinding through a payoff plan on the roughly $65k left.

I've also started the process of wanting to open residential assisted living facilities. Working at one now to gain experience, and I have that spark again, something to build instead of chase. I love taking care of people.

Adding up total cash flow over 10 years, every casino withdrawal, sportsbook deposit, dollar into stocks and crypto, it comes out to over $1 million. I stared at that number for a long time. The addiction never really stopped, it just changed shape. Options became casino trips became sports betting. Every big life event became cover to justify going bigger.

I paid off one of my personal loans last month. 3 more to go! I've been putting any extra income I make into paying more into principal.