Is not being tested an impossible dating standard?
I've had a real attitude problem with being tested in dating and relationships as long as I can remember.
I can only see it from the intreptation that instead of the person having healthy trust in a stranger, and most importantly, time and patience to get to know another person on a natural pace and flow, they try to confirm their own negative expectations usually based on their previous experiences right away and it makes the whole thing feel more like an job interview with pass and fail instead of natural attraction and compability. It takes me out of my own element where instead of being allowed to be, are thrown into a situtation that is just unnecessary drama and since I know I am being tested I lose the mood simply from thinking okay this was going well until this point and what is that one behavior they are looking for that would be the fail and do I embody that or not and is it a deal breaker, because then the date is over and there is no future for a relationship. So usually when I notice I am being tested I fail on purpose with often satirical methods. Might as well make a memory out of it.
I just can't think the relationship would be anything else than finding myself being projected as someone I am not and I am guilty until proven otherwise an innocent person does not need a trial. It's making a problem when there was no problem and when my mind notices the expectation it just takes away from my serenity when I feel like I am made responsible for the contents of another person's own head and the only solution would be to prove myself not to be something I already am not - over the other person just being vulnerable, open and honest in their communication.
Now I'm closer to fourty than thirty, and I've had one long term relationship and that was with a woman who never tested me. That was from late teens to just about halfway to thirty. Ever since, I haven't been in a relationship, and one of the reasons is I find it a real compability issue to be tested. Did I actually meet the exception once, and then couldn't pass the rule? Is this an actual me problem? Or have I just met the wrong people after? Will the testing actually ever stop if I grind my teeth through it?