I just want to help.
DH just moved all of SD (14) stuff out of her room (that she shares when she is here with our child together, who is almost 2. Not ideal but that is our situation that we try to make the most of). He said if she doesn’t want to be here she doesn’t have to, she already only comes over when she wants something so she can just do whatever she wants.
For some background context, this fight between them has happened before but I thought we talked it out and moved past it. She is wrapping up her freshman year of high school and on drill team so is of course a busy teenager with a social life. But we only have her every-other weekend and it has seemed like the last couple months she has had other activities going on during our weekend with her so DH has barely had any time with her. BM was out of town this weekend so SKs were with us and DH asked for one day for SD to be here and do family activities, but as soon as a friend invited her to swim and sleep over she was out like a flash. This morning when we picked her up I tried to have a conversation with her about it so she could see his side, but it was like it was in one ear and out the other. She said she just wanted to go to her mom’s because she “didn’t feel like getting yelled at” so that’s what triggered DH to say fine, you can take all your stuff back to your mom’s and just let me know when you want to come spend time with us.
Fast forward to him sitting in her room and crying because he’s felt like he tries so hard to give his kids the stable childhood that he did not have growing up. I think he’s really feeling the grief of them growing up (SS is 17) and becoming independent and he’s hurt that he feels like she doesn’t want to be here.
I wanted to pick her up by myself this morning so I could try and explain his perspective but he came with so the conversation was not as effective as I had hoped it would be. He tried to talk to BM about it but all she says is “she’s just a teenager” (she basically lets them do whatever they want). I want to help but should I just sit this one out? I’ve encouraged them to go to family counseling but short of me finding a doc a booking something and shoving them all in the car I don’t know how to make that happen. I hate this because I don’t want our child to grow up in a toxic environment and DH is always on edge around the older kids.