Gender disappointment and anger after loss
I lost my first born, a girl, after 25 days in the NICU (she was born at 29 weeks and contracted NEC).
1.5 years later I gave birth to a healthy baby boy (who is currently 19 months) and I am truly obsessed with him and beyond grateful.
I am currently pregnant again with my 3rd and it's another boy. I am so so grateful he's healthy and even though I know how incredible boys can be, I'm really struggling with gender disappointment. But it's more than "oh I wanted a girl and now I probably won't have a living girl." It's deep anger that I lost my girl and that I always wanted a daughter and I'm 40 years old and not sure I'll want to or be able to have a 4th child.
Again, I am so excited for this little boy to join us but I get so angry/jealous when I see friends and families having a boy and a girl...which is why this simultaneous anger and disappointment makes me feel so ashamed. Would love to hear if others experienced it and how they got over it.