How to make the decision about HRT
I am going to share my thoughts around trying to decide whether to allow our 16-year-old to go on testosterone. Please tell me if I am missing something.
He has been telling us that he is a boy since around the age of 12, following the onset of puberty. Prior to that he was a super feminine child, in terms of interests, clothes, friends, etc. The polar opposite of a tomboy. He is also neurodivergent and has had POTS and chronic fatigue for almost as long, to the point of being largely house-bound during the last 2 years. We have been socially affirming from the start and have changed his name legally. The whole family is supportive.
What gives me pause is that to this day there is absolutely nothing masculine about this kid, other than his short hair and lack of typical feminine clothing. But in the past 6 months the t-shirts that he has asked to buy have been pink and cutesy. He is into ankle boots with heels - sparkly, glittery things. He is into Labubus and My Little Pony figures. He has no typical male interests whatsoever.
He hates his body since puberty. He hates his breasts, and he hates menstruating. (He binds responsibly and is on continuous birth control to stop periods.) He also says that he is asexual and is repulsed by any mention of sex or seeing a naked body. I do not have reason to believe that he was sexually molested in any way, and I have asked many times.
It does seem to me that he is trying to not be considered a girl more than to be a guy, although, to be fair, he says he wants more body and facial hair, and a deep voice.
I know that gender identity and gender presentation do not have to go hand-in-hand, but this feels like 180 opposites.
On the one hand, I think of how feminine this kid was, and still is, and I think we should ask him to wait longer, to mature, to learn about himself, to focus on his health, so that he can interact with the world and figure out whether he really wants to exist as a man. Giving a biologically female body testosterone is not a trivial matter.
On the other hand, there are two main possibilities: He truly will be happier as a man, in which case we should move forward with the hormonal transition as soon as possible. The other possibility is that he will change his mind sometime in the future. But, even in that case, isn't it best to go ahead with the testosterone now, so he can get to the "other side"?
I do not believe that he is going to "give up" on this without experiencing it for himself.
There is also a slight chance that testosterone might help with some of his physical issues.
I think you can tell that I am leaning more towards HRT now rather than later. But I am afraid of making the wrong decision, and the primary thing that gives me pause is his total non-masculine-ness.
Thank you for reading my ramblings.