u/Veganmammal

And what the hell are you waiting for?

Hi friends. I’m going to keep this light. I have seen so many lengthy posts. I’ll save the fluff for everyone’s sake. I am mid-late 20’s and genderqueer by default basically. Most people become confused during puberty, but all mine did was confuse everyone else. That’s not necessarily relevant but now you know. I grew up in school getting slightly above average grades and being incredibly athletic. I was always commended for being smart and quick to learn just about anything but to my knowledge, I was never suspected to have an exceptional iq. The adhd however was always apparent. Until I was about 19-20 I wasn’t very capable of reading comprehension. I did not like reading very much at all. I hadn’t done one lick of homework or studying and I also didn’t do any of the scheduled reading. I somehow still passed with above average grades and did not make a habit of cheating. I didn’t ever consider this to be anything special. I know now that I’m older and with more insight that it is pretty remarkable to attain a high school education staring off into space and more or less soaking up the material just by being in the room. When I finally began reading around 20 I fell into what I can only describe as love. Since then I haven’t stopped, at an almost constant whenever my free time prevails, I am reading. Physics, chemistry, astrophysics, abstract philosophical texts, psychology, sociology, economic, and maths to name some of my interests. I would mostly only talk to my best friend over the years about how much I loved this stuff, but I still never considered myself special. As a matter of fact, the more I educated myself and dove deeper into topics and even began to synthesize them the more I believed I was lowkey just an intellectually fraudulent narcissist trying to prove something to myself and others. Because of my average grades in high school and only ever being seen as weird or with my head in the clouds when I speak about my independent studies, I assumed for so long that I was actually behind my peers and embarrassingly overcompensating. I very recently was able to confirm/find out that I have an exceptional iq. (ADHD and ocd were already diagnosed a long time ago). Things make so much sense now. I actually just months ago decided it was time to give up on my dreams of “knowing everything I can possibly know” and choose a trade to learn and get a “real” job and learn to be a “person”. I put the books down a couple months ago and have painstakingly talked about the weather and lightly gossiped with my peers for weeks to no real resolve for my intrapersonal hangups. When I learned about my iq, and came here to read more about others like me I realized I was not only right where I needed to be but have bought a few more books to cram this month. I’m now ready to take on some of the topics I kept myself from due to a self perceived notion of grandiosity. It’s not that I didn’t want to go to the car with friends, it’s that if I do I want to have a drink or TWO and talk about these topics (or more, teach me something I don’t know!!!!) I also realized now that I didn’t before that most people don’t want to discuss the mechanics of our world at a molecular level because their brain has a shut off valve unlike mine, and it’s rare to find someone with a shut off valve malfunctioning like mine. So it’s not that people never get me or I don’t get them, it’s simply that the people who will get me are far and few between. Long story short I wasn’t aware of my intense intellect and neither was really anyone else. I kept my studies to myself and also had a very small circle of literally 1-2 people (don’t speak to any of my family). Due to adhd and growing up in a very toxic and trauma inducing home I don’t think I was ever safe enough/given the tools to let my brain fly. I gave up my personalized dreams of “knowing everything” for a more “normal life”. Only to find that I was right where I was supposed to be, just like the other people in the world just like me and have no doubled no, tripled down on my education and understanding of the world around me. My iq is quite a bit over 130 so it’s still interesting to me that others or myself didn’t catch it. I had an inkling but never thought much about it. Medicine is a top topic for me and when I’ve visited the doctor and discussed with them I would notice sometimes that they were surprised/intrigued by my understandings. My EQ is in the tippity too fractions of a percentage point. I feel everything lol, no exaggeration. I wonder if this played a part in my endless self doubt and questioning of my worth compared to those around me and where I fit in it all. Of course I began by saying this would be short and totally lied but if you read it all thanks 😊 and please respond if you have a similar story. Did you go nearly 30 years thinking you were actually possibly BELOW the average intellect? How did it change your life when you realized the opposite?