r/TwiceExceptional

Title: Indian 2e student in a tier-1 college — ADHD has made me question myself a lot

Hey everyone.

I’m an Indian college student at a tier-1 institution, and I finally decided to join an ADHD community instead of just lurking.

I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I’m also 2e. For most of my life, I was the kid people considered gifted or unusually capable. I’ve done very well academically, competed seriously in chess, performed well in competitive/debate environments, and have always been the kind of person who knows an absurd amount of random information.

I genuinely love learning. I can get obsessed with something and spend hours going down rabbit holes about science, history, geopolitics, finance, computers, or basically anything that catches my interest.

That's probably why college has been such a strange experience.

I’m in a highly competitive environment surrounded by extremely capable people, and my CGPA is significantly lower than what I expected from myself.

And the frustrating part is that I don't feel intellectually incapable.

There are subjects where I can understand things very quickly. Sometimes I look at something complicated and think, "That's it?"

But then I'll have something completely manageable that requires consistent effort and somehow fail to execute.

The difference between what I know I can do and what I actually manage to do consistently has become one of the biggest sources of frustration in my life.

Before college, being intelligent and being successful felt almost directly connected.

Now I've learned that intelligence doesn't automatically give you executive function.

And that has been a brutal realization.

My working memory has also become something I struggle with a lot. I can understand something perfectly and later feel like someone deleted the information from my brain. I sometimes forget words while speaking despite knowing exactly what I want to say. I can struggle with pronunciation or spelling of words that I have used and understood for years.

That one especially messes with my head because I know my vocabulary and general knowledge are good. So when I suddenly can't retrieve a basic word, I start questioning myself.

There have been times when I've genuinely wondered whether something is wrong with my intelligence, even though objectively I know that's not the problem.

Being Indian adds another layer to this.

Academic achievement has been a huge part of my identity. I grew up being seen as the "smart kid," so struggling academically now doesn't just feel like getting a bad grade. Sometimes it feels like I'm failing at something that was supposed to be one of the things I was good at.

My parents are actually supportive, which I'm very grateful for. They're not the kind of parents who just scream at me for getting bad grades.

The problem is that they don't really understand ADHD.

They know I have it, but I don't think they fully understand what executive dysfunction, working-memory problems, inconsistent attention, or 2e actually look like from the inside.

So sometimes I have to explain why something that looks ridiculously easy from the outside can feel disproportionately difficult to me.

And I don't blame them for that. Honestly, I didn't understand it myself for a long time.

I also think being 2e makes this harder because people see the ability first.

I've achieved enough in my life that it is easy for people to think, "He's clearly capable, he'll figure it out."

And I usually do figure things out eventually.

But the amount of unnecessary struggle behind that isn't visible.

I've had periods where I've felt isolated, frustrated with myself, and genuinely confused about why I can perform at a very high level in some situations but struggle with things that seem completely basic in others.

I'm trying to stop interpreting that inconsistency as a personal failure and actually understand how my brain works.

I'm hoping this community helps me do that.

Would love to hear from other 2e people, especially those from similar academic/competitive backgrounds. How did you deal with suddenly having your intelligence stop being enough to compensate for executive-function problems?

And for those whose families are supportive but don't really understand ADHD — how did you help them understand what you're actually dealing with?

Glad to finally be here.

I've always felt different than other people, but couldn't quite explain it until now. School was easy, I was considered the "smart kid" of the class, but also called lazy, distracted, and when I got into my teenage years I discovered I was really socially awkward, but I managed to "figure people out" and "act normally".

When I was about 5 or 6 years old I had been tested for ADHD and other psychological conditions because I had some tics, they couldn't give an exact diagnosis but they said I was a "very mature kid for his age but also anxious" and that was what caused the tics to appear.

Only now, at 21 years old, after struggling for 3 years during med school, that I was able to get properly tested and diagnosed with ADHD, ASD and also as intellectually gifted, and will now begin multidisciplinary therapy.

I know I've written a lot but I tried to sum things up as much as I could to describe my process(also I don't have anyone to talk about this IRL), I'm just wondering how you people figured out that you're 2e to see if theres similar stories out there.

So I hired a therapist to help me with being neurodivergent and twice exceptional.

My care is very complex.

So he said that he wanted me to use artificial intelligence to find out Enneagram type.

I'm dealing with a lot right now

And while we are twice exceptional a lot of us are neurodivergent. We have underlying disabilities and I think that if you're able to also find out your type it will help you climb out of your shell a little bit.

I learned a lot of stuff about myself.

Like why I behave why do the things that I do and one of the things that I realized is that the other people in my case are actually victims too.

So I don't have to fix everything. And I don't have to know everything.

I'm a 6w5, SX/SP is me. And so it helps me identify my personality strengths and my weaknesses and go to a type 9.

So I would just really encourage you to do that so you can grow in your strengths and improve your weaknesses.

Take care of yourself.

So i don't really know how to write this and this is my first post. Please don't take anything as arrogant or insulting, I really don't mean it. Im just gonna write it how it comes now. So for context im 18 and live in germany and am now in my last year of school. Also I grew up till I was 5 in Poland which leads to me being surrounded by more languages since I can remember. Im just gonna start now telling everything in chronological order just from my life. Since I can remember I was different then the others, fast pattern recognition, better then the average in everything I touch etc. In 3rd grade I have won school math competitions with continued up to the 8 or 9 grade I think. Then I just stopped to participate. I don't even remember why probably the school stopped to participate or it stopped making fun to me. Somewhere between this time my parents made me took an iq test which I didn't even really paid attention and didn't make much out of it cause I didn't care bout things like this as a kid. The result was either 143 or 147 I don't remember but 1 out of this numbers. The more I grew older I started to spot more things in others behavior and started to catch interest in things like this. I also noticed how in school im not as good as I was and started to look into it as well as analyzing my own behavior. The moment I am bored by a them or it doesn't make fun my brain turns off and im going g into daydreaming or something like this. The moment something interests me I am fully locked in and am ahead of every one. Also I noticed that even with my intelligence others may pass me cause they simply know how to study which I never learned cause i understood everything that fast. I look up these "symptoms" and read about them. I read about the term "twice exceptional" for the first time and spoke about it to my dad. (For context, it's definitely my dad's site of the family where I got the intelligence from. Grandpa professor, grandma also very intelligent with masters in physics etc. Also I would say rn my dad is the only person with whoch i can really talk about my interest like very abstract theories etc and that is like somehow on my level without sounding arrogant) then I got to know that even in my childhood there were signs. As a small child so like 2-3y old I started to count in my free time on a meter and just reading numbers. When playing memory I had a favorite pair and before playing i already told everyone that we're playing without it cause I'd cry if somebody else gets it. When on a child birthday I sat in the corner and analyzed. Then I went in for 1 boy and made him my friend at the party. So there were definitely some sings of something when I was young. The older I grew the more I started to recognize patterns in my self and catch myself doing some thing unconsciously. First friends and my social life in general. I never really had a problem with it but I don't think it's because I have a good intuition naturally what to say, even tho I would say I have a relatively high eq too but that not the point now. I think im just good at it cause i process really fast small details, people's behavior etc and cannot just calculate what to say in real-time, for a example a perfect joke or something serious etc, you get it. But then lately also something like that someone shows me something and I react to it impressed or something but then moments later I realize that I just completely lied unconsciously even in the smallest situations like when we're at a skatepark and we see strangers do some tricks. My friend asks me what I think about them or he says that he likes them and I just agree or say that it looks cool even tho I couldn't care less. Idk for now thats about it. I dont really want to write a longer text cause I have the impression that this is pretty long already. If you have anything to say or questions pls write em in the comments. Also if you want I can write it maybe more detailed and better structured with preparation. Hope somebody reads this haha, have a nice day

This is a question just for the ADHD 2e folks - no AuDHD or ASD people answering, please.

If you could go back in time and pick the kind of high school you wished you could have attended, would you prefer to send a younger you to a more prestigious, well-funded, academically-rigorous school OR a more gentle, supportive, relaxed school with a student body from a wider-range of academic abilities?

My eldest is mildly gifted, definitely ADHD, no ASD. Doesn't seem to have dyslexia or dyscalculia. An okay student: frankly, not yet that interested in academics (only 12 years old) but bright and generally well-liked by teachers. Bc he did very well on his standardised tests, he has been accepted to some schools that might be well suited to his IQ. However, I do wonder if he would fare better in a ""less impressive"" school that seems better-geared to support kids who need extra scaffolding along the way.

Please don't be snarky in your answers. I am just a parent trying to get my head around how to think about this decision. I appreciate your help.

My Information: 18, Female. Lives in Canada. Diagnoses are: ASD (No Level), ADHD (Additional to my ASD diagnosis, so comorbid, I THINK, combined type. Learning Disability(ies) (Written Language/Writing and in Mathematics). I take Biphentin 40mg for ADHD medication. I take Calcium, multivitamins, and period-blocking pills. I don't smoke, use recreational drugs or drink alcohol.

Primary complaint: What does the 73rd percentile on the Supports Intensity Scale - Adult Version, 2nd Edition (2023) mean? Or read the title for the primary complaint.

Title/Quote: "{Teagan} is in the 73rd percentile on the Supports Intensity Scale – Adult Version, 2nd Edition. This means that, generally, {Teagan}’s support needs fall in the mid-range compared to other adults with a developmental disability."

Important Context for Question: The title is the quote that I got from the summary that explains the results that I got from the SIS-A assessment. I don't exactly know what this means. I have asked various people, even AI, about what that means for my support needs, and many people have said to me that it is within the "level 1" criteria of "requires support", even though the person who personally assessed me told my mom that I would fall within the medium support needs range. The language used in the quote above also points towards medium support needs. My mom also just now explained to me that if I am in the 73rd percentile (73 percent), it is higher than if someone were to be placed on or around the 50th percentile. So basically, those who scored lower than me (Less than 73 percent) have less support needs, and people who have scored higher than me have more support needs. This is what my mom has said. But, considering that she isn't a trained professional in stuff like this, I am not quite confident she is right in how she explains things.

The AI overview that Google gave me when I put the title of this post into the search engine was that “Being in the 73rd percentile on the[ Supports Intensity Scale – Adult Version, 2nd Edition](https://www.aaidd.org/sis/sis-a) means Teagan has higher support needs than 73% of other adults with developmental disabilities. This places Teagan above the median (50th percentile), indicating moderately high support needs rather than mid-level needs; however, someone on another subreddit responded to me (On my other account) saying that I would be in the “requires support” region. So that is also confusing. Maybe it’s because they thought I was talking about an autism level, which, no, I want to clarify, is not what I’m asking about; I’m asking about my support needs when it comes to autism.

If this is not the right subreddit for this post, or if I lack any information in this post or otherwise have broken the rules of this subreddit, please let me know!

So what i wanna know is that does an spikey profile like this pattern of high WMI and FRI and VSI with relatively low QRI and PSI like 2 to 3 standard deviations corresponds to having adhd or not? Like is this a part of diagnosis?

I'm grateful that I am not alone. I had never contemplated that I had a "Twice Exceptional" condition, until last night.

I'm grateful that I have encountered this forum, and seek earnest, powerful minds.

In 35 years, I've only encountered one other like me in person. And he happens to be my best friend, and attending physician lol.

Talking about it here too because reddit suggested it to me.

I have been tested positive for giftedness as a child and I suspect I have adhd too after looking into it and recognizing myself in almost every possible symptoms.

Before I knew adhd was a thing I used to cry myself to sleep every night because of my « failures » that caused yet again fights with family members: I don’t clean enough, I don’t study enough, I don’t read enough, I’m lazy, smart but could do better if I applied myself for once, or was more motivated or was more focused on the right things, if I was less sensible, more organized etc. They pity my future husband because I’m a mess, I’m inconsistent and etc etc.
I would spend a lot of times trying to figure out what was wrong with me and came with theories but the more time passed the more I realized that none of my theories were right and I had to face the terrible truth: I was born like that. There was no explanation. I was just a shitty human. The only thing that I had to show for myself was my good grades, but that was it.

I gave up trying to understand myself and it was just at that moment that I found out about adhd.
Something finally made sense. It even explained stuff that I thought had no explanation in general (stimming, bumping into things and getting bruises without remembering how you got them, etc.).

Aside from my close friends with whom I share everything with and know my inner struggles and who aren’t surprised that I could have adhd, the few (2) family members with which I talked about being in the process of having a diagnosis are very skeptical. After all I was not a particularly agitated kid. I had symptoms such as not following verbal instructions to the end among a lot of other stuff but not strong enough (I was scared of failing my classes) so that my parents would think something was wrong other than me being a kid that was resting on my laurels and I had the structure to cover it.

They consider my symptoms to be just personal flaws that I need to work on (especially laziness and boredom). One was skeptical but after hearing me out they decided to let the psychiatrist decide.
The other is my mom, who I live with.

She acts supportive (probably because she doesn’t want to hurt me), helps me finacially with the procedure but some details made me think that she might be more skeptical that she appeared.

Firstly, when I mentionned that I might have to be medicated if I get a diagnosis (because my symptoms don’t allow me to study as I would want to) she replied « ok but you probably won’t need a big dose of it because your symptoms are not severe ». I was like « ??ok?? », a bit confused but let it go.

Then, everytime (which was like max 2 times) I mentionned adhd again she sounded like she was semi agreeing with me only not to cause a fight. I know it because I know her and she didn’t sound convinced at all. I let it go.

Then today happened.

I had my periods and I joked about being hematophobic because seeing my own blood disturbs me a lot and funnily enough I fainted twice upon seeing my own blood before. But it doesn’t happen enough to stop being a coincidence so it was just a joke.

My mother then became kind of outraged saying that « I really want to have something » and I can’t have every possible disease, psychological issue or syndrome that exist in the planet.
She had an amused tone on some of her phrases but I know she meant it. I asked her if she had said that because of me trying to get an adhd diagnosis.

She replied that now that I think I have it, I’m gonna talk about it and she won’t hear the end of it.
She then added that adhd was a serious syndrome with symptoms but it cannot explain everything and came back to the hematophobic stuff saying that I wasn’t that. I agreed, explaining I didn’t mean it.

We left it there. But it hurt. I wanted to cry but I had to act cool because I had a meeting.
I don’t want to fight with her and I feel like I can’t. Without a diagnosis it won’t matter what I say.

I feel hopeless and think about giving up and interrupting the procedure.

To preface I used Gemini (pro extended) to help me write this. I am going through some complicated things in my life and used it partially to sanitize the personal references and partially because I don't have the spoons to spend on it right now...

AuDHD here and my child is AuDHD.

******One side note first, I fully acknowledge that this is only one reason that some kids with Au struggle socially... ******

Without further adu:

Hey everyone. I recently had a massive lightbulb moment regarding my own childhood social isolation and what I am currently seeing unfold with my 5-year-old daughter, who has very high-speed processing and AuDHD traits.

I was using Gemini Pro Extended as a sounding board to talk through some parenting challenges, and it helped me perfectly articulate a structural theory of AuDHD social dynamics that I’ve never seen accurately described in standard literature. I wanted to share it here because it completely reframes the "struggle bus" we go through.

Standard neurotypical literature usually looks at an autistic or AuDHD kid sitting alone in a cafeteria and concludes: "They just don't understand social cues."

But that is fundamentally wrong. It isn't that AuDHD kids don't understand social structures; it’s that we understand them as rigid, objective rule-sets.

Here is exactly how the trap is built, why it works temporarily, and why it ultimately crashes.

Phase 1:

The False-Positive Social Algorithm

When an AuDHD child with a high processing speed enters early socialization (like kindergarten), they treat social dynamics like a math equation. They map out the variables, figure out the rules, and fully commit to their starting assumptions.

Because they often have a high sense of justice and structural logic, they spot inefficiencies immediately. They correct their peers because their logic is objectively "right."

Phase 2: The Accommodation Bubble

In kindergarten, this doesn't immediately result in rejection. Instead, the child inadvertently builds an "accommodation bubble."

You find a specific group of kids (often passive peers, or maybe a teacher's kid where there is a proxy authority involved) who are willing to accept your rigid variables. The utility of you "being right" outweighs the friction of you being "bossy."

This creates a complete illusion of social security. The environment actively reinforces to the AuDHD child that their "always right" algorithm is flawless. You think you have figured out how to navigate people, but in reality, you just found a few people willing to navigate you.

Phase 3: The System Crash

Then, the environment changes. You move to a new school, or you hit 3rd/4th grade where social dynamics become exponentially more complex.

Suddenly, that controlled environment shatters. Without those specific, accommodating kids acting as a buffer, the raw friction hits. The AuDHD kid tries to run their tried-and-true algorithm on a new group of irrational, chaotic neurotypical variables, and the system violently crashes.

The child is completely isolated, and because their flawless internal logic failed to produce the expected social result, they don't understand why.

I lived this. I lost my bubble in late elementary school and didn't have another real friend until my senior year of high school.

****** Now, to be clear, I have not vetted this part, but I find the suggestions at least plausible: ******

How to Engineer a Better Way

If you see your kid building this exact trap—being the "boss" of their friend group because they are always right—you can't just talk them out of it. Their brain is hyper-focused on the immediate data, and right now, the data is telling them their equation works perfectly.

Instead of waiting for the catastrophic system crash in middle school, we have to engineer safe, low-stakes failures now.

* The "Forced External Structure" Protocol: I only broke my isolation in high school by joining the wrestling team. Why? Because sports are highly structured systems with absolute rules where you cannot dictate the logic. Put your kid in martial arts, gymnastics, or a strict team environment where they are explicitly at the bottom of the hierarchy. They need to practice being a follower in a space where it is safe to fail.

* Gamifying "Co-op Mode": If your kid's goal is always to "win" by being correct, change the objective. Introduce games at home where the win-state is entirely dependent on cooperation, not accuracy. If they steamroll or dictate the rules, the system (the game) immediately crashes.

* Change the Debrief Metrics: When asking about their day, stop just praising what they got right. Start asking, "Who did you let be the boss today?" or "Did anyone have a different idea that you tried?" Make flexibility a measurable achievement that they can unlock.

It’s a heavy realization to see your kid walking toward the exact same social cliff you fell off of, but seeing the trap is the first step to dismantling it. Hopefully, this framework makes sense to someone else who lived it!

Sorry/not-sorry this was mostly AI wrapped, it was that or not share it at all...

Also I freely welcome critique it better ideas on the proposed better-way(s)/solutions...

What i call a information bug is someone who gets obsessed about normal everyday things and have to know how they work, like a bug getting into the nitty gritty. This can be from learning the etymology of everyday catch phrases, so you can understand and use them properly... to why sinks have traps and knowing exactly how and why the trap works.

Essentially wide indepth information gathering led by your obsessive behaviour (not necessarily relating to your special interest). Just curious to see if anyone else does this.

Hey reddit, so recently I just found out what dyscalculia is, and I'm trying to get tested through my highschool. The problem is everyone keeps saying that since I have high testing scores and I'm considered "gifted" plus I've passed my math classes I don't have any red flags. Is this possible? Because I have a giant list of troubles in math/math related subjects that correspond very closely to dyscalculia 🙁. I'm worried that I'm kind of just making all of this up in my head, and I know reddit isn't a licensed psychologist but I honestly need input, because I'm really lost as to what to do. I've had problems in math ever since I started school, like REALLY bad problems, but my parents were never contacted about them or told about them during conferences apparently...idk my dad keeps saying that maybe I just need to work harder and that I'm not a math person but I know people who aren't math people and they don't even have the issues I have.

Anddddd it’s back to the waiting game.

I saw my pcp today after waiting for six months because her availability is so low and she was on maternity leave, and I told her about my adhd symptoms and how much they‘re literally ruining my life, then I asked for a referral to ”a psychiatrist or something” and she referred me to a neuropsychologist.

Then she said it’ll likely be months. I expected this, but it still sucks.

She did, however, start me on 5mg Lexapro just to try because my answers to the depression and anxiety questionnaires were both severe. I’ve heard that it can help with anxiety a lot, but my anxiety is literally the ONLY thing that helps me get ANYTHING done or stay on top of things at work and school, so now I’m worried it’ll just make my adhd symptoms much worse.

I was just wondering if any of you guys had tried Lexapro and if it helped make things better at all? Or if anyone has any tips to help me through the months of waiting (especially since it’s college application season and I’m already being avoidant when it comes to those)

If you were diagnosed as 2E later in life, what were some clues that the challenges you were facing were more than asynchronous development? Or the asynchronous development was enough to cause support needs as an adult? Or that you were burning yourself out compensating for deficits? When did it get bad enough to seek help? If you had cognitive testing did you see a big point spread or spiky scores beyond the usual gifted spikiness?

I am 2E. My IQ is 133. As a teenager, I was prescribed antidepressants because I was lonely and sad. My primary care thought it was depression. At 26, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and, at 30, with Bipolar I.

Just recently, at 43, I found out I am Autistic and do not have Bipolar Disorder. This misdiagnosis is really heavily impacting me because I was cycled through an insane amount of hardcore psych meds for BD that I never should have been prescribed. I am 43 and feel lost.

For the most part, my friends and family do not seem to understand or want to learn more. I don’t socialize a lot anyways, but now I am distancing myself from a good portion of my limited social circle because I am sick of people telling me I am acting manic when I get excited about something or have trouble sleeping. Thanks for letting me vent.

And what the hell are you waiting for?

A few weeks ago I posted here saying I was horrified by my low WAIS results. (I was downvoted quite a bit) I was spiraling and really upset.

Plot twist: They scored it wrong.

So the thing that went wrong: everything was calculated by hand. the biggest mistake was that non of the entry questions points where given. This are 2-8 points over 9 different tests that where missing.

I am not the only client this mistake was made with. because the assessor wasn’t aware of the correct scoring procedure. I had to tell her and was initially rejected. I kept pushing to double check and it got confirmed. This mistake was made systematically with all test this assessor has done. So multiple people got the wrong results, I was just the one to point it out.

This results in at least 15 FSIQ points difference, maybe more. I didn’t receive GAI because they don’t know how to that or what it is. I asked if they could just give me a report from the Pearson Q-Global system but they don’t have this (supposedly).

Moral of the story: trust your own reasoning, if you think results don’t match your profile, keep pushing because ‘professionals’ are not always right.

Do you ever feel like your difficulties and suffering are seen as not that bad/not deserving consideration? Just because you're compensating with good memory/fast thinking and dont want to disappoint others' expectations?

I did quite good until middle school/high school, I was seen as a good, quite and intelligent kid. Then between middle and high school my suffering started. I had a lot of meltdowns at home, but nobody really tried to understand. I was seen as a demon (words of my brother) because of my rage, but I was actually just exhausted. I wanted to quit high school but I had no other option. And I had good grades. During week-ends I went out drinking and smoking, passing the nights with unknown people. I felt like a disaster bc I had no control over myself and my life. Starting university I wanted to change and be in control over my image, my study and relationships. I had eating disorders, tried to control food but then bringe eat. I felt so miserable but my grades were still good, I had friends, I did sport, I didn't quit anything. Even when I moved, but finally didn't start my master, nobody worried/talked to me about it. In therapy I was considered "normal", and it was good actually bc I could work a lot on my emotions and what I wanted, but I couldnt follow it. I didn't find a job so I decided to start another master bc I knew I could practically do it. Then after my master I just burned out.

Honestly, I am so tired of being responsable. Sometimes I just want to do nothing, for months. I just want to disappoint everybody being miserable. Stop worring about how I look, talk, behave. I am living with my boyfriend and not working for now. I feel useless and guilty. I feel like people see me as not using my potential. When I say I want to try working as a waitress nobody understands. Bc I have a master's degree. And when I try to explain my difficulties nobody takes it seriously. Actually me neither sometimes bc there's people in my family and outside having bigger problems. I feel distracted but I am not the most distracted. I feel like it's hard to organise things but if it's not me is nobody. When is one of my friends organising dinners or others I feel SO GRATEFUL. And actually feel bad and lazy at the same time. Even for therapy, I feel like people look at me and see no problems at all. And it's frustrating bc then I have moments of crisis and I just want to stop existing bc it's so tiring...

I hope someone understands this. Dont want practical tips just writing down my feelings/thoughts. Thanks for reading and eventually answering :)

Hi lovely people,

I was wondering. Throughout my (27F) life I’ve had difficulty deciding what i wanted to do. I like almost everything, but i find it hard to commit to things. How do you guys handle not being able to do it all and to know it all? How do you decide in which to invest, because sometimes I am stuck between too much choice. (‘:

I find myself thinking about this all the time, since my experience have seemed to differ so much from what other people in my life seem to experience. Just wanna be clear though, this isnt about being ”special” or weird, I am genuinely curious about how people’s brains seem to organize perception differently hence experiencing reality through their own unique system coloring the way we experience and percieve reality.

I will give you some examples of what im talking about! Im ADHD and gifted, and my memory seem to have no narrative and no timeline. I cant recall when memories took place, what I did yesterday and early childhood memories I have feels exactly the same in terms of time. They feel equally close to this moment for me even though they are 2 decades apart. And when I remember things I just remember visual information. There is no ”narrative story” attached to the memories. Its basically just visual information.

I also struggle to access my memories, I can forget the name of my friend I talked to yesterday randomly, even though I know that I know their name, my brain just wont let me access it sometimes.

I am very much stuck ”in the moment” in terms of how I experience life. I rarely find myself thinking about something from the past or try to predict the future, most often I am present in what im currently doing. And when I am present in what im doing the world around me disappears from my immediate consciousness. IF I find myself thinking about something from the past, its through a random association that took me there. I tend to forget my friends exists and even family if they arent actively a part of my everyday life. Its like all my working memory are assigned to what im currently doing, and yet it still deletes its cache by itself if I get distracted. For example I lost my phone literally 3 seconds after I grabbed it yesterday, I couldnt find it and I couldnt recall what I did with it. I just remember it layed on the living room table and that I grabbed it. Thats it. What happend during the next 3-5 seconds I simply couldnt recall. Still cant. Found it behind the TV hours later, how or why I put it there I do not know. But I most certainly did put it there.

I have come to insight that my mind is extremely logical, its like the way my brain are organized are purely for solving problems. And this influence EVERY aspect of my life, in both good and bad ways of course. And what I just described above have been my baseline since day one basically, I cant recall that it have been any other way during my lifetime.

Have anyone here had similiar thoughts about this topic and their own experience? Or maybe have other thoughts connecting to this matter? Feel free to comment, would be really cool to hear other peoples perspectives and experiences connecting to what I just shared! Im open to discuss basically anything here😁