u/adh_dolphin

Hi. Three weeks ago my ex (27M) broke off our healthy 4 year relationship. I (27F) did not agree, but I have accepted that this needed to happen. Three days ago we had our ‘closure’ talk, which was full of love and respect. I think he just got lost and needed time away from the relationship. He said it was done, but at the same time could not speak about the future. He wants to protect me from waiting for him and I get that. I know that I need to let go, either way. Even if he wants to reconcile in the long term, it will happen with us being new people. I told him to have NC until next year, then it is up to him to contact me if he wants to. I know I won’t contact him.

The annoying (as well as lucky) thing is, i just had half a year of intense therapy. I really learned to love myself. So there is no dwelling in “i am not good enough” or being uncomfortable with being alone. Usually, when there is a breakup, you have this time and clarity to work on yourself and do the things you like. But I did the work already and now I have all this extra time to purely miss him.
And goddamn, I miss him. It is this very raw, unfiltered sadness of loving someone and losing them. I love deeply and i find it hard to let go. I am currently unemployed (i finish my thesis in a week) and I am applying for jobs (its hard in the creative sector). This means that I have 24/7 to think about this man. I see friends almost everyday, try to keep myself busy, but the pain remains.

Now i was wondering. Do people have some tricks that might help in defusing your thoughts on the spot? Some mental exercises or anything? Sometimes I can sit with the pain, but sometimes my body gets in this panicky state and I dont want that for myself. I am not ready to date, and i have never been into that hook-up culture. Do people relate perhaps? I am a bit unsure what to do… ):

Hi lovely people,

I was wondering. Throughout my (27F) life I’ve had difficulty deciding what i wanted to do. I like almost everything, but i find it hard to commit to things. How do you guys handle not being able to do it all and to know it all? How do you decide in which to invest, because sometimes I am stuck between too much choice. (‘:

I recently discovered I am 2e (ADHD). My boyfriend of 4 years just broke up with me. I am devastated, hurt and confused. It was his choice and I was not included in the decision. Throughout this relationship, I've always tried to be better, to think of solutions, but i think he got so emotionally overwhelmed that he couldn't see how things could improve. My previous relationship ended in the same way.

It got me thinking, because it seems that there is a pattern (although N=2). Sometimes I am afraid that I see a relationship as something that can be solved. That no matter what, if there is love, there is a solution. You can always try harder, think harder, change harder. It somehow empowers me that I know I can change and become a better person. Working on a relationship gives me control and stimulates my brain. I have always had a thing for emotional labour. But after this break-up, I think that maybe I don't see things clearly. That I love people and fight for the relationship only because I am in the relationship, if that makes sense? That I like the "game" more than the person.

I don't know. I do not doubt that I have loved my now ex and I genuinely think he is so sweet and kind and we have had great moments. But sometimes I am afraid that I am just too loyal, no matter to who. Does anybody have a similar experience? How do you lovely 2e's navigate love and relationships?