u/Ok_Childhood_3880

Talking about it here too because reddit suggested it to me.

I have been tested positive for giftedness as a child and I suspect I have adhd too after looking into it and recognizing myself in almost every possible symptoms.

Before I knew adhd was a thing I used to cry myself to sleep every night because of my « failures » that caused yet again fights with family members: I don’t clean enough, I don’t study enough, I don’t read enough, I’m lazy, smart but could do better if I applied myself for once, or was more motivated or was more focused on the right things, if I was less sensible, more organized etc. They pity my future husband because I’m a mess, I’m inconsistent and etc etc.
I would spend a lot of times trying to figure out what was wrong with me and came with theories but the more time passed the more I realized that none of my theories were right and I had to face the terrible truth: I was born like that. There was no explanation. I was just a shitty human. The only thing that I had to show for myself was my good grades, but that was it.

I gave up trying to understand myself and it was just at that moment that I found out about adhd.
Something finally made sense. It even explained stuff that I thought had no explanation in general (stimming, bumping into things and getting bruises without remembering how you got them, etc.).

Aside from my close friends with whom I share everything with and know my inner struggles and who aren’t surprised that I could have adhd, the few (2) family members with which I talked about being in the process of having a diagnosis are very skeptical. After all I was not a particularly agitated kid. I had symptoms such as not following verbal instructions to the end among a lot of other stuff but not strong enough (I was scared of failing my classes) so that my parents would think something was wrong other than me being a kid that was resting on my laurels and I had the structure to cover it.

They consider my symptoms to be just personal flaws that I need to work on (especially laziness and boredom). One was skeptical but after hearing me out they decided to let the psychiatrist decide.
The other is my mom, who I live with.

She acts supportive (probably because she doesn’t want to hurt me), helps me finacially with the procedure but some details made me think that she might be more skeptical that she appeared.

Firstly, when I mentionned that I might have to be medicated if I get a diagnosis (because my symptoms don’t allow me to study as I would want to) she replied « ok but you probably won’t need a big dose of it because your symptoms are not severe ». I was like « ??ok?? », a bit confused but let it go.

Then, everytime (which was like max 2 times) I mentionned adhd again she sounded like she was semi agreeing with me only not to cause a fight. I know it because I know her and she didn’t sound convinced at all. I let it go.

Then today happened.

I had my periods and I joked about being hematophobic because seeing my own blood disturbs me a lot and funnily enough I fainted twice upon seeing my own blood before. But it doesn’t happen enough to stop being a coincidence so it was just a joke.

My mother then became kind of outraged saying that « I really want to have something » and I can’t have every possible disease, psychological issue or syndrome that exist in the planet.
She had an amused tone on some of her phrases but I know she meant it. I asked her if she had said that because of me trying to get an adhd diagnosis.

She replied that now that I think I have it, I’m gonna talk about it and she won’t hear the end of it.
She then added that adhd was a serious syndrome with symptoms but it cannot explain everything and came back to the hematophobic stuff saying that I wasn’t that. I agreed, explaining I didn’t mean it.

We left it there. But it hurt. I wanted to cry but I had to act cool because I had a meeting.
I don’t want to fight with her and I feel like I can’t. Without a diagnosis it won’t matter what I say.

I feel hopeless and think about giving up and interrupting the procedure.

Need help finding this scene

(Ofc, I am open to a different pov on the matter and being eventually educated on the subject if need be.)

I genuinely don’t understand. Please help me make sense of this because I see this discourse quite a lot on social medias.

I’ve seen cases of men/women having what society would consider a « traditional family » to cover their secret attraction to the same sex. Or they built a family and then realize they are gay.
I’ve also seen cases of men deciding to transition to the female gender and vice versa when they already have a spouse and children.

I know all the struggles that surround being a homosexual in today’s world, or the difficulty of having body dismorphia and feeling like you’re in the wrong body. I get that.

So when people choose to live in their truth and come out or transition, I understand it and I’m happy they chose to be honest with themselves finally.

What I don’t get is why some people expect the spouse of the person in question to be simply happy for their partner ?
Someone can be happy that their partner chose to live in their truth while grieving the relationship that they once had, because their partner’s reality now might not reflect anymore what they themselves want out of a relationship.

It’s even worse imo when all this time the partner knew they were secretly gay. Then it feels like your marriage was all a lie/built on a lie.

And when one’s partner decides to transition: let’s say you’re a heterosexual woman with a man that has decided to transition and now identifies as a woman. That means your marriage (which is a contract that you’ve agreed to sign because you accepted its terms and you accepted what you thought your fiancé was without knowing they might struggle with their identity) is now potentially dead.
« Potentially » because some can choose to stay and it’s all fine.

So I really don’t get the forced positivity.
Your relationship was built on a lie, on a factor that you didn’t know because your partner either didn’t knew themselves or chose to hide it.
Again, no hate towards the partner. But why we expect a deceived person (no matter the circumstances) to be strictly happy and supportive ?

I won’t condone transphobia or homophobia against the partner but just why can’t people in this situation grive their relationship/marriage ?

Tout est dans le titre.

Contexte: la plupart des psys demandent que les parents remplissent des documents ou témoignent du comportement de la personne pensant avoir un tdah même lorsque celle-ci est majeure. Mais je me demande s’il y a des cas où non.

I noticed that some people I know, that are well respected and less likely to be messed with by others, tend to become scary when someone crosses their boundaries.

I had a friend once who glared at someone with such a dark and menacing gaze that they apologized for what they had done/said without my friend even needing to adress what had just happened.

It was scary, not in a psychopathic way but more in a « you shouldn’t fuck with me » way.

I, myself, has been on the receiving hand of such looks a couple times, for different reasons but still.

I wonder how people are able to do that ?
Do you need to be particularly in touch with your emotions and let your anger show in your eyes ? Is it just the personality ?

How does this work ? I can’t find anything on this subject anywhere. If someone has some clues…

Edit: I mean scary as in to be respected and taken seriously when I express discomfort etc. Not scary in general.