NSFW dreams about abuser, self doubt about repressed memories
Just here to vent, process, and gain support
TW: Incest, NSFW mentions
So, first of all, I'm dealing with repressed memories, and have only had a few actual (fragmented) flashbacks, which makes it even harder to believe myself...I'm in EMDR and individual therapy, and have done Brainspotting in the past. We have talked a lot about the abuser likely being my dad, especially because I have so many abuse related dreams about him specifically (plus other reasons). My therapists believe me, and a lot of our time has been spent on working through self doubt and trusting myself.
More recently, I've had an increase in dreams that involve my dad and are sexual in nature..... I feel so disgusted by these, and I'm especially disgusted today because I had one of these dreams last night and orgasmed in real life.
My EMDR therapist has reminded me that this is a textbook trauma response, but it's still sickening that my brain would go there.
But because I don't have solid memories, it still doesn't feel real "enough". But why the fuck would my brain show me these things over and over if there were no truth to it?
Do you believe me? Could I be making all of this up? I've been going through this process for over 2 years now, so it feels unlikely, but still...
Does anyone else deal with these sickening dreams?