u/Virtual_Stick6282

Hi. I became a foster last year with a really great org. I live in a big city in a small two bedroom apartment with two cats and my partner. So not super ideal for having a dog permanently but at least enough space to foster! The first dog I was going to foster was last minute — I was supposed to get a small dog per the shelter’s rec since I have cats. But I had told them I loved big dogs so to lmk if they ever got a big dog that liked cats. They had a recent intake from a county shelter and had a 50-pound pittie mix that needed a foster and had a great temperament. I was immediately like yes. THEN hours before we picked her up they found out she was actually pregnant. We agreed to do it anyways bc why not!

She is genuinely a gem. We had her for a month and I was immediately in love with her. So good with other dogs, even good with the cats even though she got way too excited with them sometimes. We went through a lot together— she miscarried :( we took care of her through recovery. She also had insane separation anxiety with me specifically. I genuinely could not leave the house without her completely freaking out even if my partner was home. Sometimes she would guard me and growl at the cats and even my partner when they would get close to me. But sometimes it was really great and she would nap with the cats. It was really hard because I could not leave the house (she would scream and shake her crate.) Eventually the organization decided to work with her onsite since the separation anxiety wasn’t getting better. They got her into a training program. Fast forward 6 months later and she still hasn’t gotten adopted :(

I genuinely think about her EVERYDAY. Every time they post a picture or video of her on their socials I sob. Just to be clear — she seems great! She really is thriving — the org has a really nice onsite facility that she gets lots of outside time in. I want to adopt her so badly. I love and miss her so much. I loved bringing her to coffeeshops and the park. I loved cuddling with her on the couch bc she would sit on me like she was a cat. As much as I want to, I really don’t think I can adopt her. I love her but it was an exhausting month of constantly trying to train her and keep an eye of her with the cats. She wouldn’t even let me leave the room without her. I’m nervous that even with all the training she’s gotten she would revert back to her separation anxiety. I don’t think a dog would fit into my lifestyle. Anddd my apartment is just too small for a dog that size AND two cats. It literally feels like a toxic ex I want to go back to LOL. Idk if anyone would read this but I just had to write it out because I couldn’t stop crying about her today. It literally hurts to look at pictures of her. Maybe I’m being dramatic. I just think she is my soul dog but it’s the type of thing where it’s right person wrong time.

Ik fostering is so important — we fostered a small senior dog recently and that went really well. It’s just so hard emotionally. Even for my partner, when we had to give our first foster dog back we literally spent the entire day sobbing together. Idk why I’m posting this. Is the love I feel for her worth thinking about adopting? My heart says yes but my brain says no. I just miss her. And six months later I still think about her every day. I really thought by now it would at least hurt less but it feels the same. Maybe if she got adopted I wouldn’t feel it as much. Idk.