u/VisitOriginal9711

I don’t want to make this too long. Basically, my ex girlfriend was my second and longest partner. There were red flags to begin with, but I was naive. I had this delusion that cheating was something that happened to other people, and my most intimate partner could never betray me in the worst way.

Before she met me, she had been intimate with multiple other guys. This caused me to question why suddenly she wanted to wait for marriage with me. A few months go by, and I found out she had gone out on multiple dates with a more attractive, on the surface more “successful” guy and on the first night they met she had been physical.

Every time I think about it I get nauseous. I think about how it took a guy one night to be w/ my girlfriend. I thought I loved her more than anyone I had ever experienced. My brain has slowly been escaping the emotional repression I developed, and i’m starting to see things for what they were. She was attached to me for a bit, then a “better” option came along.

The worst part is all the advice that I hear from friends and family is the same kind of advice she would give me. That I should “never feel like I need to change myself.” A part of me is different now. I’m more discerning and most devastatingly, I don’t think I can open up and love in the same deep selfless way again. I suppose that’s just part of growing up and being in mature relationships.

For context, I got myself into a bad place about a year ago and fell into alcoholism. This led me to bond with a recovering addict (let’s call her Jane). Jane had all the red flags from the beginning, but in my vulnerable state I ignored them. She love bombed me like nothing I had ever seen. It seemed like she would give her life to be with me and I fell for it. Obviously a few months ago things started to shift and her negativity started to become my responsibility.

For further context, she pushed me into a semi-physical relationships although we couldn’t have sex due to our living situations. She still eventually tried the born again virgin bs because things were starting to get beyond the honeymoon phase.

Recently, she made the decision to move in with some dude she met last year to try and “save up enough money to further our relationship.” I knew this was BS on every level, since the guy kinda resembles me anyway.

Tonight she’s ignored me all day. Now she’s turned off apple messages and has been offline for an hour. I know she’s likely lying down with this guy, but how do I recover from knowing this guy got in a week what I hadn’t in months?

It makes me think i’m worth less than guys who consciously manipulate women for sex.