what do i even do
i lost my willie a little over a week ago. he was barely 23, and i’m barely 21. i got to say goodbye yesterday, and i was feeling better. but i woke up today and feel like all of that peace i made yesterday is gone. he was such an amazing man and partner. he had gotten into a pretty bad accident last year and his uncle had told him “you know, your girl is young enough that she’d probably be able to find someone else if anything happened to you but i doubt she wants to.” and he always told me about how that didn’t help. and he never shared his opinion on it. i don’t want to find anyone else now that he’s gone but i know the way that i am and that eventually it will happen. i feel so stupid thinking about this so early and i know i don’t have to figure everything out now. we barely had two years together but i knew he was my person. he made me feel so grounded even when everything was going to shit. i can’t stop thinking about what i could’ve done differently. his mom told me that she knows one day ill find a man worthy of loving me but i already had. and i don’t want to go through that again. i love him so much. i regret so many things i said and the way i acted because truly all i evwr wanted was him. he would’ve had to do some seriously messed up stuff to get me to go. and i don’t know what the future looks like from here and i don’t want to have one without him. we lived so in the moment that i stopped worrying about the future so much and focused on enjoying the present. now i don’t know what to do or what to look forward to.