I had an affair first, and now when trying to reconcile, my BP is starting to give in to their own temptations
Hi everyone,
I’ll start by saying that I had an affair last year, it happened multiple times and put my BP through absolute hell.
I hurt my BP incredibly deeply obviously and I have gone for IC and have understood my actions and the impact of them and starting to understand the root cause of why I did what I did. My BP somehow forgave me and wanted to reconcile, even after multiple times.
However, I think the progress I was making in IC in trying to understand myself and the reasons for my actions and how I hurt them and how it will be at all possible to prove to them that I feel genuine regret and remorse for my actions and love them deeply, was too slow. I think it took me a long time to come to terms with this.
And in the last couple of months, my BP joined Tinder and hid that from me, talked to multiple people, sent some explicit photos/videos, went on a coffee date. I found out about this I think on three separate occasions, afterwhich they said they were deeply sorry and stated that it was because they weren’t getting that kind of attention from me and that they felt admired and “wanted”, which wasn’t something that I was giving them at that time.
They then did stop, they’re really an amazing person with incredible self-discipline and empathy and so kind.
And then they told me a couple weeks back that they are talking to a person they met at work and thinks it might be a bit flirty and they know it seems harmless but they’re really just friends and someone to confide in.
They then later said that they know they have a crush on this person and that person has a partner too and they’ve both acknowledged that they know they shouldn’t be talking because they have crushes and both have partners.
Things have been going quite rough for us, not because of what they’ve been doing, but because of my own infidelity and us working through that, so they have said that they think they want a divorce, but they’re not sure yet.
Their reasons aren’t because of this other person, but because I’ve put them through too much, though I am trying to prove to them that I can be loyal to them and that I love them very much.
I kind of get this feeling like where I can’t be hurt/upset or say anything about them talking to other people because I did this first.
Especially because the affair I had was actually physical and ongoing and what they’ve done has just been talking/flirting and sending pictures/videos.
I love them and don’t want to get a divorce and feel incredibly sad and remorseful about my own actions.
Has anyone else been through this or something similar and can relate to the feeling of not being able to say anything without being a hypocrite?