r/SupportforWaywards

Hey I haven’t posted in a couple weeks and I just wanted to update.

I filed for divorce. This didn’t come out of nowhere. My partner and I tried for nearly a year to work on things and the truth is that getting this divorce isn’t a bad thing. We’ve talked about it a lot and I think we both just need a fresh start. I can’t keep forcing us into a box we don’t fit into anymore. They asked me to file so it’s not because I’m giving up. We are friends and will always care about and support eachother. We still make each other laugh and get on eachothers nerves lovingly. I’m grateful for their forgiveness and although it’s not the outcome I originally wanted, I feel a sense of peace that this is what’s right. I think we both needed some time to process this and slowly let go rather than all at once. It doesn’t feel like a demotion, it feels like a natural evolution of our relationship. And if either of us were to get in a relationship again I’d definitely be more mindful about boundaries around our friendship. As of right now I don’t think we’ll be hanging out too often but things could change. If it’s meant to be it will be.

I won’t lie and say I’m not a little sad but I’ve had a lot of time to process and will continue processing in therapy. I have learned a valuable lesson in that some actions have permanent consequences. I am choosing to live in honesty and integrity moving forward. I’m still working on forgiveness towards myself but I know that I am moving in the right direction.

To anyone reading this and going through it right now, it does get better even if it’s not the outcome you originally wanted. It’s ok to still be sad about it and grieve the life you thought you’d have. You don’t have to let your past choices define your whole life but you should allow them to teach you who you don’t want to be moving forward.

Hi, new here. Ddday was 20 weeks ago. I won’t go into the details, but I begged my BP to not leave on dday, and they stayed. What followed was trickle truth, heavy drinking, crying, shouting, self inflicted harm on my part and more painful disclosures about my past.

I found 2 therapists and worked through some things. I had to stop due to finances. I continue to listen to audiobooks and podcasts and started reading a couple of books as well. My BP does not want IC.

I think it took 9 weeks for the initial shock to wear down and for our first somewhat normal day. I marked this in my calendar. At 13 weeks we went on vacation.

Our conversation surrounding my cheating went from being every day to every now and then.

Sometimes they reply “I love you too.” Last night they replied with look in my eyes, a smile, and a “I love you too. Don’t you forget it.” Before they drifted off to sleep. My eyes sting just remembering because I truly don’t feel like I deserve this wonderful person. I have so much guilt for taking the light out of their eyes and life. I hate myself for what I did, I wish nothing more to take my actions back.

Regardless, I love my BP with all my soul (if I even have one) and I would rather die than betray them again. Nowadays, I try to cook for them as much as I can. I never cooked before and so I kinda suck lol, but I still try and think I’m getting better. And I’ve found I love cooking for them.

I am nicer to them. I have a terrible short temper and have been working on controlling it, and apologizing quickly and sincerely when I hurt them/offend them/etc. I also have worked on my blame shifting and can proudly say I’ve stopped 99% of the time. That one percent quickly gets called out by my BP and I quickly acknowledge they’re right about the behavior and apologize.

I’m still working on getting our home in order, keeping it clean and making it a safe and comfortable space for them. I try and go above and beyond. We recently started a new hobby together that gets us outside. We are working on quitting drinking, and getting healthier.

And, I want to end by saying we have had honest conversations about “us”. They told me we are “married but separated”. They are willing to give this reconciliation a shot, but they have to decide if they are okay with staying if they can’t trust me like before. They said they still think about separation sometimes.

But they are my best friend and I truly do not want to imagine life without them. Truthfully, I became suicidal right after dday when I though they were going to leave. Yes, I know I am toxic, but I don’t want to be and want to be a good person.

I go on here and read posts of WPs who have lost their BPs and my heart breaks for them. Yes, we caused this, but I feel a lot of us who are regretful and remorseful have mental health problems and trauma that made us act out. It’s not an excuse, we are broken people with deep character flaws. I know I am.

Don’t know what I am looking for with this post. Just wanted to share my story a little and appreciation for my spouse.

I’m about to go out and get us some food they requested and have a hopefully good Friday evening. Cheers.

Hello everyone. Dday happened on Dec 18th of last year, and we officially broke up on January 1st. BP nowadays is an ex, and we are friends, more like acquaintances nowadays. They pretty much closed the doors for a romantic relationship in the future

The thing is that I didn't disclose some details out of fear, and others because I really didn't remember them at the time. I wrote my disclosure letter quickly and filled with adrenaline, afraid that once I calmed down, I wouldn't be able to disclose anything at all and chicken out.

What happened was a two weeks long EA. In the disclosure I wrote, I detailed that there was this older coworker I had who was friendly with me, and after interacting with them I noticed that they were flirting with me, and I started flirting back to keep this person's attention on me. I explained that I had inappropriate jokes involving physical intimacy, considered going out with AP, and then when I realized that what I was doing was extremely wrong and it was indeed infidelity, I felt immense remorse and shame, immediately cutting ties with the AP and only talking to them again for clarification and me apologizing for leading them on.

I told BP by the end of the letter that if they had any questions, I'd try my best to answer with honesty. They didn't question or ask anything, which caught me a bit off guard, since I saw that the most common behavior for BPs were to want to ask many questions regarding the affair. Then, some weeks later, they officially broke up with me. We are on friendly terms nowadays, although we barely talk sometimes. All the times we spoke again about my affair, it was me who would bring it up.

I'd say I told them the "core". I made BP know that an EA took place, I got the timelines as accurate as I could, told some details, said that there was "intimacy", but I didn't specify for example that I'd call the AP "dear" or "sweetie", that there was physical touch in terms of them touching my waist to get past me on our workplace and I never told them to stop doing that, that one of the places they would invite me to was their house, and I was positively considering it... There are many details like that if I stop to think about it.

There was also another context in my behavior that I was just able to identify now. I told BP that the reason I did it simply was impulsiveness, recklessness, immaturity, feeling empty within myself, and the excitement of that environment to me, being 18 years old at my first real job. But now I realize that another huge factor was that I was resentful of my ex-BP, because they broke up with me almost two months ago, saying hurtful things before departing. Then, they came back feeling remorseful, saying that they did a big mistake and wished to be together again. I took them back instantly and things were "back to normal", but I always had this anxiety and fear that I would get abandoned again. And so, looking back now, I can conclude that even subconsciously, I saw AP as a "backup plan" in case that BP would abandon me again. I don't know if I would actually express these feelings and thoughts to ex-BP, because it feels like I would be blaming them, and although yes, I should have voiced my hurt originally to them and how I was extremely insecure and afraid that they would leave me again, one thing obviously didn't led to another. I just don't want my ex to feel like I would be putting blame on them one bit.

I keep struggling over the idea that I kept information from them again to save face, and if it would serve them anything to tell more things now. But we aren't dating anymore. I kept rationalizing "Well, they didn't ask", but if it's something that I saw as big deal, shouldn't I tell them either way?

I wish I never did any of these things, anything at all. But I did, and that's my past. I feel dirty now for being someone who lied so much to save themselves from responsibility. And I still feel dirty that I'm keeping these things that feel impactful away from them. That awful feeling that I felt when I was actively hiding my affair sometimes creep up back to me, that one were I feel that I'm taking away their choice. That if they knew these other details, they wouldn't forgive me, they wouldn't wish to me in my life anymore and try to be friendly towards me, that they wouldn't be able to forgive me again and see me as someone cunning, malicious.

In the meantime, while I don't know what to do, I'll consider confessing to a priest and try doing a full disclosure as best as my memory allows in my journal. Peace to you all, thanks for reading.

I'm stuck in a dream I know I'm soon to wake up from. This isn't real. The nightmare will be over and I'll meet my lover again on the other side of this fake reality. The incident at the start of our relationship didn't happen. It couldn't have. I wasn't there. That wasn't me.

I know we'll meet again. I'll find them in bed with me and it'll all be okay.

And when we get up we'll make breakfast together the way we always do, and we'll talk about how we're feeling and what kind of day we're preparing for. And we'll sit on the couch and eat our breakfast. They have french style scrambled eggs with turmeric, black pepper, and spinach on one half of an English muffin (Don't forget the swiss cheese goes under the eggs and gochujang goes on top). And on the other half they have butter, maple syrup, and cinnamon. Then we half an avocado to share. In a green ceramic cup, they have dark roast coffee with stevia, cinnamon, and a splash of pecan milk. They always shake up the milk before they pour it because they love the texture.

We'll ask each other what we want to watch even though it's always Adventure Time. We've made it all the way to season 8, and we're gonna finish the show together like we were supposed to.

And usually, we watch an episode, and get almost to the end of the next one. But when they're done eating, its always time for a walk. So we pause our show, and I meet them downstairs while they get ready. Then we'll walk through town and I'll listen to them about the experience they're having. We'll talk about plans and what we're grateful for. I am grateful for them.

Its time for me to go to work. And while im there, I'll go down some rabbit hole in my free time and bring what I learned to them to share. And they'll listen to my silly ramblings and we'll laugh about it together. I'll tell them about how much I appreciate their presence in my life and they'll say that they feel the same. And we'll text each other throughout the day until I am off.

When we see each other again, they tell me they love me. And i say it back. And the words I love you aren't just a prescription of our expected relationship. It is the binding of our souls together and complete recognition of our experiences in each other. It is to behold our entire world and say, "you exist, and i am here with you, and i will never look away."

Tonight we'll sing and we'll dance together, we'll make dinner and we'll watch the rest of our silly episode and talk about life when we're on another walk together. We'll sit at the pond while the geese guide their young across the water and watch the sunset together. They have a headache and their legs are sore. When we get back, I'll make us some tea and they'll take some ibuprofen. And we'll talk about all the difficult emotions that have shown up in our day.

And when everything is quiet tonight, we will just stare at each other for a long time. And we'll believe in the dream we're building together like we are supposed to.

But today I woke up and you were not here. The nightmare is real. And no matter how painful the reality is it is not fair to either of us for me to deny it.

I would do anything for you. Even if that means letting you go. I love you to the moon and back. I see you clearly with my eyes and whole heart.

You're not feeling very well today, and I hear that. Your pain is real and you are so strong. You never deserved to be hurt like this. And I am so sorry that I am the one who did. I know that things don't make sense anymore. I see your sorrow and devastation. I see the desperation and confusion. I see the anger and loss of reality. I see you.

I will continue to be here for you within any boundaries that you set. I will keep showing up for you in the way that you deserve. I will show up. I will be there. For every appointment, every phone call, every bad day that you want to come to me about. I will run your errands and continue to be the partner you deserve with full acknowledgement of your needs. I will be who you need me to be until that is no longer needed. I will respect whatever outcome comes of this. I love you.

I gave you something that you never asked for but are now responsible for taking care of. That is not fair and never will be. My actions, no matter how ill I was, were still my actions. I am responsible for them, and I made choices that are my fault.

I am sorry for how I have distorted your perception of love and shattered your reality. I am sorry that I lied to you. I traumatized you and destroyed your safety and security in the most meaningful relationship that youve ever had. I made your deepest fears come true and invalidated every sensation of worth and esteem that you had in this relationship. I took the privacy that we were intimately weaving together and smashed it to pieces. I made everything you sacrificed about me. Every happy memory we spent together is a prison sentence. I gave you something to replay in your head over and over until youre so sick you cant breathe. I lied to you. I betrayed everyone in our lives. I betrayed your parents, your siblings, your grandparents. I betrayed my friends and family. I betrayed myself and everything I thought i was. I didn't just make a mistake. I pulled out a gun and shot you in the heart. I am so sorry.

You deserve so much love and care. And if that means separation, then don't second guess that decision. Please, please do what's right for you. You deserve to feel safe and cared for. My feelings do not get to influence that.

I love you.

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here and I'm a bit nervous. I've been reading through this community for a while and decided to share my story because I'm hoping to learn from people who have been through something similar.

We had been together for over three years and we were extremely close, interacted with each other almost 24x7, often on video calls. It was long distance so our interaction was mostly through texts and calls and they used to meet me while visiting their hometown which is near to mine.

Last year I cheated on my partner, when they were on a trip with their friends. We used to spend a lot of time in Telegram groups. That's where I met two people, and what started as normal conversations with them eventually turned into sexting after a few days. I was extremely guilty after that and for months contemplated how to tell my partner about it.

Then one day I confessed to them myself and they were devastated for months. They wanted to know all the details about when I started how long was it, what all did I sent. Honestly I was so ashamed at that time and initially minimized parts of the truth because I thought it might hurt them less. So I tried telling them truth while making it less intense, but when they said to not lie to them anymore I had to tell them everything unfiltered. Looking back I realized that not telling them the full truth in one go only damaged their trust further.

They gave me one chance and tried to continue the relationship for sometime but understandably the trust was damaged. Eventually they told me they still had recurring dreams about what happened and that they couldn't look at me the same way anymore. We broke up.

I initially hoped that reconciliation was possible and that if there was any way to make them feel safe and happy again in the relationship I would have done it. Eventually I accepted that the relationship was really over.

The breakup affected me more deeply than I expected. The guilt and shame became overwhelming, and at one point I attempted suicide. I'm safe now and working on my mental health, but it made me realize I couldn't just keep punishing myself forever. I needed to understand my behavior and genuinely change.

Since then, I've spent a lot of time trying to understand how I became someone capable of hurting a person I genuinely loved. I've realized I had unhealthy patterns around validation-seeking, weak boundaries, and people-pleasing. Understanding those patterns doesn't excuse my actions, but I'm trying to make sure I never repeat them.

One thing I struggle with is seeing comments online saying things like "once a cheater, always a cheater." I completely understand why many betrayed partners feel that way, and I don't expect forgiveness from my ex. I also know they had every right to leave the relationship.

I'm not looking for reassurance that what I did wasn't wrong, and I'm not asking whether my ex should have stayed. I accept that the relationship ended because of my actions. I'm trying to understand what genuine change looks like from people who have been through it.

What I'm struggling with and that I want to ask those who are further along in their journey, especially wayward partners:

1. What does genuine accountability look like for you?

2. How did you know you were actually changing instead of just feeling guilty?

3. If reconciliation was not possible, how did you learn to move forward without pretending that the past never happened?

4. Is it possible to become a trustworthy person again, even if the relationship you damaged is over now?

5. For those who have disclosed their past infidelity to future partners, how did those conversations go? Were you able to build healthy relationships again?

Long story short, I was stupid and had a 3 month affair with a coworker that started in December of 23 and ended March 24. I had no contact with them afterwards. This march I came clean to my partner. It has been a really rocky road but we both go to therapy individually and couples as well. This is here it gets hard, I quit my former employer burning bridges and screwing people over, my partner has asked me now to reach out to them to verify my story. These people have no reason to back me up as I screwed them over. I know I will reach out to them but scared they won’t respond and cause even more issues. Just looking for some support I guess.

WS of 5 months here. My BS has exhibited this behavior for years before infidelity, it has now ramped up substantially. It is creating a chasm of resentment I feel I am not allowed to do anything about. When triggered, my BS will rage. I have read books that I am to sit with the pain, but it will quickly turn from pain to complete verbal and emotional abuse. They will call me diseased, they will refer to the house we just bought as their house and not our house, they will tell me I am a horrible person. i am on eggshekls regarding any and every trigger that might result in a week long miserable attitude or lashing out. When it happens > ask them to consider healthier ways of conveying their emotions they are simultaneously enraged and will withdraw. They will bring in counselor speak like I am silencing them or putting a boot on their neck. I just would prefer healthy communication. We are making the decision to attempt reconciliation, and isn't a foundational part of that not treating each other like shit? I understand they have pain, but I feel like BS wants to go beyond expressing it and intends to punish me for it. It's as if they're not satisfied unless I am completely destroyed as perhaps they feel. Ehen I bring this up and ask what they need for me in these moments they don't know. When I ask if they want to punish me they feel I am stifling their ability to express their emotions. how does that make sense? ​​ They are in therapy but I feel like they are not transparent for how this manifests if their therapist is just rah rah you go get'em/ agree with them that verbal abuse is acceptable. I understand I was wrong, confessed the day after and am doing everything in terms of therapy, meetings, and showing I am not that person. Where is the line? What is fair before it just feels like at any moment I am not allowed to be happy ever again? I feel like my actions are essentially validating a behavior that has existed for years and their therapists expect me to just be okay with verbal and emotional abuse as if that is a healthy way of dealing with these complex feelings.

Hi all, I need some advice. Kindly note that all ties has been severed with my ex & there is no ongoing deception happening.

I emotionally cheated on my partner in 2025 (July). To give context, I was dealing with alcohol addiction which led to me being incredibly impulsive. Since the breakup, I have gotten sober & would like to keep it that way. I reached out to my ex whilst in the relationship and we met once for me to basically vent about how sucky my life was (my partner at that point is completely against me drinking myself to death & preferred to not be around me while I was - which is practically daily). Due to this, I felt incredibly lonely & crossed boundaries I shouldn't. I confessed to my partner very shortly after.

There was nothing sexual that came out of that interaction, however it was still wrong.

My relationship ended in November, after my partner felt that I did not care about them as I always went against them whenever I was drinking, obviously, due to the disrespect. Since then, I honoured the lesson & I vowed to never EVER repeat those mistakes.

We separated for a few months, and that few months I really dug deep & figured out that I become an impulsive person when triggered by alcohol or by uncomfortable feelings. I was in a state of fog & I do not remember anything from a lot of years due to the daily drinking.

During our months of separation, a memory resurfaced. The night of the severe argument, a few hours before we broke up, I had reached out to the same ex for a phone call (that was practically silent as I was drunk & needed someone to accompany me to sleep). We did not speak & the call ended shortly after. This information came to my memory while we were apart & no contact.

Now, we are trying to reconcile as 2 individuals after separation, who is trying to do better & decided this consciously after our months of separation. We are not together yet, but we are still trying to work it out. I am not sure if this is considered trickle-truthing?

I have gotten some advice from friends which all collectively said that there is no point reopening old wounds - as the relationship has ended & whatever we are trying to build now is conscious after separation

I genuinely am lost & want some advice. I also want advice on how to manouvre this intense feeling of guilt, shame & rumination that I am no longer the same person as I was & I truthfully regret whatever I did. Also, I am really thankful to say that I am more mindful & know how to manage my impulses better. Any advice is appreciated & I am more than willing to answer any questions in the comments if anyone requires more context.

I’m sat here trying to think of what to type but I know that no matter how well I explain this story, nothing is going to change the impact on me, my BP or my family.

I lied to two people and had concurrent emotional attachments, during this period there was a soft breakup of existing relationship, on / off situationship. I lied for months and months to protect my original lie of being single / not talking to anyone else before or during the breakup.

The only thing that kept me going during these months was the fantasy of AP or the belief of being able to separate from both and have a healthy relationship with the next person.

But the amount of grief, guilt, shame and anxiety is unbearable. I’ll never trust a relationship again and it’s because of my own actions. I’m autistic and I’ve been on different SNRI / SSRI meds since Feb-25. Still with BP but I’m not improving. I’ve been doing counselling with different therapists but I know that the loss of trust and certainty within relationships can never be repaired.

I know that I’ve irreversibly red lined my brains dopamine reward system with risky and fetishised encounters with AP.

I really don’t know how to move forward with my life.

I’m also autistic which increases my dependence on certainty and fully resolving something, which I know isn’t possible with this but also probably contributed to not being able to get out of it at the time.

I feel very confused currently. I am currently very dysregulated, so forgive me for any confusion here.

I think I reconstructed the narrative and lied to myself about the affair. I confused myself strategically in order to make the details do disorienting and foreign that I couldn't reasonably represent them to my partner.

I dont think this was intentional but I dont know to what extent it wasn't. I feel sick with uncertainty. The obsessive thoughts are just repeating constantly.

Not only am I a monster but a liar. I cant distinguish whats really real and its all because I cant face the reality of whats happened. I keep making it worse. I want to tell my partner about this but I dont know what will confuse them and I feel like im just going to speak from a place of activated shame and end up lying again.

I think that I lie unconsciously and then reinforce a narrative that fits that lie. I become genuinely convinced of the lie told, and I run from exposure to it.

How do I stop this cycle? I do not mean to lie like this and I am afraid the damage is too severe to be reconciled at this point.

I feel so tired. This person is destroyed because of me and i cant even give them a truth that isn't tarnished by my pathology. I feel sick and ashamed of myself. I really need help. I don't even know whats real and whats not and I'm starting to crack under the shame.

I know im lying to myself. But i dont know about what.

It would’ve been your day we celebrated together. A day we spent playing games together and telling each other how much we loved another. It could’ve been a day I spent making you feel like royalty, making you feel loved, making you feel like a star.

I can’t anymore. Not after I burned your world. Not after I took away your innocence. Not after I reshaped how you viewed love and relationships. Not after I destroyed your trust in us. Not after I chose to destroy everything we were working towards.

All I can do now is support and wish you a great birthday from afar. I hope this day brings you pure joy and happiness. I’ve caused you unbelievable pain & trauma after I cheated on you two months ago, and I hope the ache of the betrayal I chose to do doesn’t consume you today. You have given so much love to everyone around you, even after everything I’ve put you through. So please, give some love to yourself today.

It’s your day, and you’re the star of the show.

Happy birthday, ex-BP.

I had an emotional affair in my 1 year relationship of that time. My BP was a good partner, they didn't hesitate to make efforts and I can say they showed me a new reality that I wasn't familiar of.

Long story short I was the wrong side. Extreme fear of abondonment (the relationship being long distance triggered it so much) sobbing everytime when it is time to go back home for them, craving validation, poor boundaries, impulsive actions, being a teenager (17-18 years old) etc all of these contributed each other.

Now that I am 20, working on myself, still drowning in overthinking but trying to be a better person overall , but apparently I am already convinced in my mind that I will get cheated on in my next relationship.

Well I don't know if it will happen or not but I feel like I "deserve" it and so I can handle it. Like if I get into a relationship and it has been 1 year and they cheat and they confess (like I did) it is okay, I am not sure if I would reconcile but it feels like if it happens then I will be good and I will pay my karma(?) and I will come clean and then I will continue choosing the right option for everyone , not harming anyone and eventually find myself in a new happy relationship that leads to good marriage.

How can I stop thinking like this? I almost feels like if they stay loyal (well, we are talking about imaginary next partner here) I can even hold resentment to them

Oh god I wish I was more self aware.. I wish I was mature.. My parents shitty marriage affected me more than I can image, not an excuse.. I just want to break the pattern and have a good marriage in the future.

Hey everyone. It's been a little over a year since I told my ex-BP of ~4 years that I was cheating on them with a mutual friend for 3 months. Lots of things have changed since, and to be honest, I don't think I'll ever fully move on.

For some context: We tried to reconcile from the months of July-September last year. During August, they were in the psych ward following a drug-induced attempt. They expressed that they wanted to get back together, but once we were back in our normal lives, they ended it. The breakup was bittersweet. We both celebrated and broke up for good on our 4 year anniversary. We knew we loved each other, but they couldn't deal with the trauma anymore. I understood that this was the result of my actions and respected their decision.

I cut myself out of ex-BP's life entirely. We had many mutual friends, and I left those friend groups for good. Spent this past year revisiting who I was as a person, surrounding myself with new friends, being a better friend to the ones who stuck beside me, and relearning years of bad behaviors. I wrote hundreds of apology letters that I never sent because I realized they would have been for me, not for them. In the immediate reconciliation, my emotions were a horrendous mess muddled with self pity. I really only achieved clarity on what support they needed from me at that time after they left for good.

I found out in November that ex-BP was officially dating someone new. Admittedly, this hurt a lot. They're together still, and I do think that this new partner is good for them. I heard that ex-BP is a lot happier and cut out bad habits as a result. It took a couple of months afterwards to fully let go of the idea that we could eventually find our way back together. "Once we recovered, maybe we could try again years down the line." This was an illusion we sold ourselves during the breakup to make the immediate pain easier to handle.

On my end, I've met someone new and started dating them recently! I was very wary at first, but they've made me feel safe, secure, and loved. I've always been transparent about my past, and they've supported me through my healing. I try to be the best partner I can be for them as well.

There are still many days and many nights where I resent myself and lament my past relationship. I wonder if ex-BP is doing well and if they're truly happy now. While I'm genuinely happy in my current relationship, I still find myself grieving what I destroyed. I sometimes worry if this grief is unfair to the person I'm with now. Has anyone else (on either end) struggled with allowing themselves to move forward? Any experiences and shared emotions are welcome.

I’m a wayward spouse, and my BP and I are a little over three years into reconciliation.
A few weeks ago, BP reached out to my affair partner’s spouse. They didn’t respond at first, but after a few days messaged back. Since then, they’ve been in fairly regular contact.
BP shows me all the messages . Most of their conversations have centered around the affairs and healing. My affair partner is apparently still denying that the affairs happened, which has left their spouse struggling and questioning things. My BP has encouraged them to seek therapy and support, and I believe BP genuinely wants to help.

One additional detail is that my affair partner does not know they are corresponding. As far as we know, those conversations are only between my BP and other BP.

I don’t have a problem with them talking, and I don’t believe anything inappropriate is happening. At the same time, this is a situation I never imagined we’d be in, and I’m trying to understand whether it’s common or healthy in the long run.
Has anyone else experienced this? If you were the betrayed spouse, did talking with the other betrayed spouse help your healing, or did it make it harder to move forward? If you were the wayward spouse, how did you navigate your feelings about it?
I am simply curious whether others have been through something similar and what the outcome was.

I need advice can someone dm me?

I just have a question. Through all of my cheating and infidelity, i managed to ruin a lot of important dates for my BP. I'm just curious if there's a way to reclaim those dates and make them special again, or am I doomed to spend them regretting what I did?

It has been almost a year since dday. 19th of July 2025. I waited almost 1 year to confess because we were already broken up but I couldn't even do it properly. 1907 is the founding year of the sports team they are a fan of and I just realized I fcked up that date. We are not trying reconcile. They want to do nothing with me. But I still hate myself. I hate myself. How even all reached to this point? Why couldn't I think of that? Did I think it was unsignificant? I hate myself. I hope it is all good for them

My BP and I have been working through the betrayal I have caused. It’s been almost a year since D-day. I admitted it to BP hours following. I’m not going to share the story on this post but maybe in the future if people would really like to know. Long story short, it was a one time fling on a work trip. It was a very very poor decision and horrible reflection of how I truly feel about my partner and I truly messed up. I almost believe I was manic during this time. But I’m working on that with therapist and I’m not here to speculate. The day after it happened the world lost all of its color I knew how deeply I had fucked up. However, now almost a year later, It almost seems like BP is almost moved on from this situation. I know the pain is definitely still there and may never go away and I really hope my BP heals. But I’m just feeling like everyday I wake up hating myself just as much as I did the day before. And I’m not moving forward? I am currently in therapy and I have expressed a bit of this to my therapist. But I genuinely was wanting input from someone who has been through similar or maybe even a perspective from a BP. I feel like I’m failing us again. I was supposed to not give up and now I just can’t even find anything worth about myself. It’s a bit rough with our kiddo now in the picture but I don’t know. I feel like everything is going to be better without me. Anyone have any words of advice or anything. The guilt and shame I feel. Is getting to the point where I’m unsure how to handle the negativity I feel towards myself. I’ve never ever done this to anyone before. This was my first real relationship. One time. And I ruined the near perfect relationship we had. It was so amazing I wish I could express. We were getting more open with each other and exploring things and I really went and threw it away on my own. And now It will truly never be the same, understandably so. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond if you do.

I was such a fucking fool and thought I wanted “more” and wasn’t satisfied and ended up sexting 4 random anonymous ladies online. I’ve already had doubts about our relationship before (we were raised Mormon and got married while still believing, my BP deconstructed before me and it made me seriously question our relationship but thank god I eventually decided to leave the church as well). Two nights ago I owned up to the sexting (which i had hid for 4 months) and confessed

I know I’m reaping what I sowed but oh my god this pain is unimaginable. And I’m the one who created and chose it. im going to miss their smile, laugh, their beautiful eyes and the way they’d hold me, the way our bodies dit together perfectly when we cuddled like no one else ever has, the forgiveness and love we had for each other. god I already miss those things. I miss their beautiful long curly hair, the way they’d jump into my arms when I came home from work, the way that they were so genuinely grateful over even the smallest gifts or surprises. There’s no one on earth who is happier to receive a gift/package than my BP.

God fucking damn it why didnt i give them more gifts? More love? More patience? Of course the grass looks greener on the other side. I fucking despise myself for what I’ve done.

Long story short, we dated for 8 years before dday. We always struggled financially but were both back in school trying to improve our lives.
Not to blame BP but i had told them many times that i felt like we were just roommates when i was struggling with my mental health and started taking SSRIs.

I met AP in this trade school and we studied together a few times. Then AP would start to ask me questions about my family, pretty standard stuff but eventually AP would ask me much more personal things about why i am not close with my family, how family members deaths effected me etc.etc.

We started to talk a lot. AP would always partner up for school work. I started to feel a little guilty and shortly after BP went through my phone and read out texts. BP told me they were uncomfortable with the closeness we built up but was happy i was able to talk about these feelings with someone. That i “did nothing wrong” but that they were still feeling jealous.

BP would then start to ask me every single day after class if i spoke to AP that day. Over the course of the 2 years of school this went on and off but i cut off AP completely and we never spoke again. BP acted like things were completely normal for what must have been at least a year.

Fast forward to graduation, i got a good job and AP texted me congrats on getting the job. BP was understandably upset again. I offered to start couples therapy, since BP said they were still upset after all this time.

4 sessions into therapy BP tells me they dont want to try to R anymore and that they want me to move out.

This is my 7th day alone now, i feel an emptiness in me. I feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, that i was the reason for BP being so hurt, that they held onto this for years. My mind wants to race to blame BP “oh they waited till they had a better job and NOW they want to leave” things like that but they dont work and i just feel worse.

I cant believe it’s over. 10 years gone. Im not sure i can ever forgive myself. I knew it would make them jealous , i still continued, the therapist was even hesitant to call it an emotional affair. BP hid thier pain for so long, and now that i wanted to R for real and put my all into it they said it was too little too late.

Does this pit in the stomach ever pass? Am i goin to hurt the next person too? I dont want to be alone but i dont want to be the cause of pain like this ever again.