u/aljhun_

It would’ve been your day we celebrated together. A day we spent playing games together and telling each other how much we loved another. It could’ve been a day I spent making you feel like royalty, making you feel loved, making you feel like a star.

I can’t anymore. Not after I burned your world. Not after I took away your innocence. Not after I reshaped how you viewed love and relationships. Not after I destroyed your trust in us. Not after I chose to destroy everything we were working towards.

All I can do now is support and wish you a great birthday from afar. I hope this day brings you pure joy and happiness. I’ve caused you unbelievable pain & trauma after I cheated on you two months ago, and I hope the ache of the betrayal I chose to do doesn’t consume you today. You have given so much love to everyone around you, even after everything I’ve put you through. So please, give some love to yourself today.

It’s your day, and you’re the star of the show.

Happy birthday, ex-BP.

is there any stores on island that sell Pusheen related merch?

GPA has been cooking these past couple of days! I have no power rn, but they have been working so much faster compared to past typhoons. Kudos to them!

In my last post, I sent my apology letter to ex-BP. I was open and prepared for anything that followed after. I got a response 12 hours later from them.

They appreciated my apology and how I took accountability for my actions, but it brought up painful memories for them. They formally asked for space and wished me the best in healing. Today, I woke up to being blocked from all socials now. It’s over.

I can’t begin to describe how much pain and sadness I feel over all of this. I’m stuck here in my room grieving our relationship and feeling how much pain I’ve done to my ex-BP. I’m tempted to fall back into old habits, but I made a promise to them and myself that I wouldn’t continue those habits as it has lead me down the path to cheating.

I wish I could take back all the pain, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to commit such heinous acts, I wish I was there for ex-BP when they needed me, I wish I took the time to figure and address my problems before getting into a relationship with them. We would’ve been a thriving couple if I hadn’t made such horrible choices.

I genuinely can’t live with how I treated them, I can’t live with how I so easily disrespected them. I can’t trust myself to be around people anymore.

I know this is obvious to everyone, but if you’re thinking about cheating. Break up with your partner, or communicate with them. Making the choice to step out and burn your relationship will cause irreparable amounts of damage and trauma to your partner.

Today, I (19M) sent my full apology letter to BP through Instagram. My friend suggested to do it if I wanted to make amends. I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to do it at first. We recently had a big fight that resulted in me getting blocked on some social medias.

The thing is, BP hasn’t removed me off some other socials, even after updating who they follow/followers. They also haven’t removed our Life360 circle (they changed their pfp, so they check it). Friends of mine have told me that they get the feeling that BP is still lingering on me.

In the end, I decided to send the letter through Instagram, fully expecting to be blocked or unfollowed right off the bat. That didn’t happen. I sent a follow-up text through TikTok saying that I sent something to them and just letting them know it’s there if they want to read it. Really horrible choice by me looking back on it as I was being pushy when I should’ve been patient.

I was not blocked nor unfollowed on TikTok. BP responded with a simple “ok” instead.

I hope this can lead to some conversation, but I’m also anticipating that I won’t get a response at all and that’s okay. I’m open to all possibilities even if it results in never seeing BP ever again.

Hello, I’m fairly new around here and have been lurking these type of subs for the past two months. I (19, just turned 20 today) cheated on my LDR partner 2 months ago, D-Day was 1 month ago where I confessed everything voluntarily. I made the horrible choice of sexting a random person online and blowing up our relationship. My ex-BP was the sweetest, most loving partner a person could ask for and I still made the decision to cheat on them and caused them unimaginable amounts of pain and trauma.

We were still in contact for a bit afterwards, trying to repair something. They ended up telling me that they fell in love with someone else a week ago, and it was crushing and shocking, but completely understandable that they’re moving on considering that I cheated. Afterwards, we had a fight over their alcohol problems which led to them blocking me on social medias, and I think it’s going to stay that way.

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting on myself (I can’t afford therapy atm, I am broke + no job). I’ve been trying to figure out my “why”. The most I can come to a conclusion to is: extremely poor impulsivity control, lack of empathy, and a sex/porn addiction that I never realized I had until all of this. It’s not an excuse, nothing will ever be an excuse for cheating, and I hate how it took traumatizing someone I care about so much to finally realize just how much fucked up I am. Everyday, I look in the mirror and I see a ghost. Who am I? Why did I do that? I feel broken and a complete fraud, but I know my ex-BP is hurting so much fucking more.

Everything is still so fresh, so many emotions. I wish my ex-BP well and I hope they find pure happiness and a partner that will give them the love and affection they wholeheartedly deserves. It hurts that we’re not in each other’s lives anymore, but I can’t blame them because I was the one who hurt them and stepped out of our relationship.

I’m committed to doing everything I can to be someone that’ll live up to the person my ex-BP and many others thought I was. I’ve quit and have been sober off porn for more than a month now and I’m committing myself to radical honesty and being more open and communicative to my friends and family about everything.

Days are just overwhelming, and I don’t know how to cope with all of these feelings. I suppose being young factors into this as well. I’m starting from ground zero and lost everything due to my own actions, and I’m accepting that I made my own bed. I know that I have to get through my feelings of shame to make breakthroughs and improvements. I just don’t know how to get myself out of the spirals, the self-loathing, the feelings of missing them & the comfort, living with the idea of them absolutely hating and disgusted over me and my actions, and the overwhelming anxiety when it gets truly too much to handle. How do I process all of this? Where do I go from here?