u/VodiVodiOh

This is more of a vent post than anything (tho i would like an explanation for why this behavior keeps happening), but im really tired and angry at how certain extended relatives are always leeching off others. I even hope to break this dumb trend that plagues so many sudani families.

I understand that the situation in sudan is terrible due to a corrupt stealing government and the ongoing war, leaving the majority of its ppl very poor. It follows that every sudani would have several family members in need of financial support to live decently and safely. My frustration is not with them and i fully believe they need all the assistance they can get.

However, my problem is with the extended (or sometimes close!) relatives who have a weird sense of entitlement over others money and even guilt trip and manipulate them for it, when they are not in a dire situation and have other avenues to get money.

Ive heard countless stories of extended relatives guilt tripping my dad and begging him for money, even when he sometimes genuinely doesnt have anything to give. They assume that since he lives and works in the gulf he is drowning in money, even though life is very expensive for foreign residents here, esp with kids.

Worst part is that these relatives usually have working children/siblings, or children old enough and qualified to work and yet they never ask them for money or pressure them to get jobs bc ‘theyre young and need to live their lives’. Ok and what about my dad’s life? What about his own family? Wouldn’t he also wanna live life with his hard-earned money? They never consider (or care abt) this.

Ive also heard of stories of my mom lending loans of so much value to so many relatives, only to never have them returned even if its been years! She reminds them, they promise to return it and then nothing is ever returned, not even partial! And bc of courtesy she feels she cant bring it up again. How is this acceptable and common?

I asked my parents why do they keep doing this, why not refuse sending money, why not even involve a legally binding document for the loans, and the answer always boils down to ‘oh its shameful oh what will ppl say abt us oh its rude’. Ill never understand this bc imo its infinitely more shameful and rude to steal money from and keep leeching off your own relatives like this.

Tldr; I hold a شهادة عربية with high honors, but its time to set it down as it has and will seriously limit me, socially and professionally. I wanna hear advice and tips on how to improve my arabic.

My arabic is not good at all, so much so that i have developed an anxiety (?) related to social environments/situations where i am expected to speak arabic, causing me to be nervous and mess up even more.

Growing up i had zero sudani friends, i made friends with other arabs but felt the need to change my dialect so they can understand me (which made me not wanna speak arabic in the first place), and mainly only had non-arab friends. I even speak half/english/half-arabic to my parents.

At first, my very bad arabic was sth funny, sth i laughed abt with close family and friends and didnt think much of. But now, as i am settling and working in the gulf, it has become a huge hinderance.

In regards to my professional life, I know enough arabic to communicate simply with co workers, but i stumble and forget so many words mid-sentence, my grammar is too simple/bad it sounds dumb, and i sometimes even struggle to understand tasks/instructions given to me by co workers. I worry this is giving off a very poor impression of me for my colleagues, putting me in a stalemate career-wise.

In regards to my social life, i cannot for the life of me converse well with distant relatives, neighbors, coworkers, and arab friends (even sudanis but to a lesser extent). I cannot joke, or carry on conversations, or know what is the right thing to say, or express myself/argue well, or do mujamala. I fear this makes me look extremely boring, dumb and awkward, which causes ppl to avoid me. Even when i think im doing well, someone makes a ‘joke’ abt how i seem ‘to struggle to fetch the arabic words’, which makes me self conscious and not wanna talk anymore.

Personally, my bad arabic is embarrassing for me, and makes me really self conscious, timid and an anxious wreck. I know that this is not my real personality, bc when i am at a situation where i am expected to speak english, i am extroverted, easy going, and talkative. Flip to arabic, and its the complete opposite.

I dont have a bad accent when speaking arabic, its good and natural imo. The issue comes from stringing the right words together and self expression; it just doesn’t come naturally to me. I’d rate my current arabic as 6/10, but I really do need to improve it if i wanna continue living in the gulf. Any tips and advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance 🙏🏽

Apologies in advance if my question isnt fitting for this subreddit, as i am seeking advice on /preventing/ back pain rather than relieving it.

I (23F) have recently started working as an engineer with the typical work schedule. During this brief period, i already noticed that my back feels a lot more strained/ache than before, and i worry abt how this will impact me in the future.

I have noticed/heard how poor the back health of my more senior co-workers is; permanent hunchbacks, inflamed painful joints in the back, needing to see physical therapists or get surgery etc etc. They also rarely get off their computers, only doing so to print sth or pray.

I am seeking advice on how to take care of my back to prevent bad posture and health as an engineer who sits in front of a computer from 9 to 5 five times a week. Thanks in advance