Difficult sibling; we inherited a cluttered house...
Edited: "Trigger warning" This post is 1/2 rant, 1/2 advice seeking & it may offend you reading it. If you feel the need to say something hurtful, please keep it to yourself -- I promise you I am GREAT at beating myself up already; no need to pile on 😉 Please be kind, or move on to the next post. Yes, it's long-winded; I'm sorry if that pisses some people off.
My sister and I inherited a house in Massachusetts that I am living in. The house is filled with 100 years worth of knicknacks, large, heavy, antique furniture, and lots of junk; all usable, donate-able junk, but not junk we/I need. It is *beyond cluttered,* and I am struggling with semi- debilitating mental & physical health issues, on top of the clutter.
My sister refuses to take the time to come help me empty the house (my main challenge is the antiques, many of which are very large and cumbersome; no idea if any of them have any value, and I have been too ashamed to let an appraiser come in to assess their value).
We also inherited a mess of EE-bonds that a new estate lawyer is struggling to locate at the treasury -- they (the gov't) 'misplaced' all records of those allegedly. There is also a handful of coins we have no idea the value of (lawyer is also working to get those appraised) and a few investment accounts with around $100k-$500k in them for us to split...or at least that was my understanding of how distribution worked.
My sister claims that the contents of the estate will be not be split 50/50, but rather the house (that she refuses to help me sort through and have appraised) will be appraised -- magically, apparently, because I don't know how to go about doing that correctly by myself -- and half the value of it will be subtracted from all the other contents of the estate. I said to her, "so you expect me to buy you out for half the appraised value of the house?" and her response was, "no, half the value of the house will come out of the remainder of whats left for us....". To me, although I understand the logic and fairness of *her understanding* of the distribution, I am sitting on a piece of property that is worth approximately $400k, and living in a house that is worth approximately $100-$200k.... but it is a *MASSIVE* weight on my shoulders: one that she refuses to acknowledge. One piece of emotionally painful context is that she has inherited at least $1M+ from a family friend, and has been frivolous in her spending of it; she sends me and others crap ("gifts") that only add to the stress of my living space, despite having asked her to please not send more "things" -- things I have to spend time and energy donating to others. I know that it's not my business how she spends her money, but it had added insult to injury given the situation I am faced with, and feel burdened with everyday.
Context issue #1: My sister is pressuring me to put the deed of the house in my name, and I am assuming she wants *her half* of the value of it taken out of the value of the other estate items, first. She essentially wants to wipe her hands of the house, and it's contents, and apparently go her merry way. I can appreciate that part of it -- she is busy building a house of her own elsewhere, in another state, with all of her million(s) of dollars.
Meanwhile, I have been paying, out of pocket for a handful of expenses to keep the house standing (i.e. having a roof leak repaired, the property taxes to the town for all of 2025, and 3/4 of 2026 paid, paying to cut down some trees that were threatening to fall on my neighbors' roofs, and paying to replace the kitchen cabinets that were contaminated by mouse feces due to them having been built from scratch back in 1970, and some other things like that). I had the money previously to do all of that from when I bought and sold a fixer-upper elsewhere, but that savings is slowly dwindling.
I had anticipated that the remainder of my inheritance (coins, EE-bonds, stocks) would be there to help me pay to remain living here & help me to pay for property taxes, repair/up-keep expenses & home owners insurance, since the new career I am in school to train for, may not. I also anticipated paying her for half the sale of the house when I was able and ready to sell it; but right now, I have no where to go, no real to move to anywhere else in particular, and the thought of having to move elsewhere is terrifying given the housing market (buy a "fixer-upper" for $400k?? 🤢). I also live in a neighborhood with very nice, quiet people, and leaving would mean potentially going from the frying pan to the fire, elsewhere). But I had *no intention* of not giving her half of that money down the road. I would even be willing to make small payments to her on the fair market value of the house over time.
My parents are dead, and I feel alone, despite having a few lovely friends who are terribly busy themselves trying to make a living. I am doing the best I can, and I am FULLY aware of how lucky I am to have been given any inheritance at all... millions of human beings aren't that lucky -- I know this, believe me.
I just need help (and a big hug, to be honest ) and some advice...
Last piece of context: She is now the legal executor of the estate because I *trusted* her not to screw me. I didn't think she was going to force me to buy her out with what's left, because of the burden that this house is. The very expensive lawyer she hired is also trying to finish paying the back taxes on the estate, because "our" previous lawyer my mom hired to handle her estate stopped paying the taxes, and then quit, once my sister hired a new laywer due to the old lawyer's negligence with the estate. The deed of the house falls under the estate, and my Mom left all of her assets to us, 50/50.
Thank you for reading; sorry it was long-winded.