Has anyone been through something similar?
Has anyone been through something similar?
I'm a m34 and two months ago my boyfriend m31 ended our relationship. We had entered the relationship with the intention of eventually getting married, so it wasn't casual for either of us.
Before the breakup, we were supposed to meet after a month and a half of him visiting his extended family abroad, so we decided for me to take Monday off to have longer time together so he can travel from his city to mine, and for him to work saturday to have monday off and travel on saturday night by bus, despite his ability to join a badminton game at the same night of him landing from an international flight the weekend before, he said due to the bad weather on Saturday, I didn't wanna give him a solution because I wanted him to offer to come the next day, but he asked to come the next weekend, I felt sad and not as prioritised, I expressed my feelings about it in a calm town that may have a bit of disappointment because I really missed him, and I expressed that to him too, he said he understands why I think this is not ideal and he will contact me later to make it work, only to have contact cut for 5 days until he sent me a breakup message.
His breakup message wasn't angry or blaming. He said he wasn't emotionally ready for a committed relationship, that he tends to isolate when overwhelmed, that he's still working on himself (including managing ADHD), and that he couldn't consistently give me the kind of relationship I deserved. He repeatedly said I hadn't done anything wrong and that the breakup was about where he was emotionally.
I still love him deeply and have been grieving ever since. Recently I had a nightmare that he had moved on with someone else, and I realized I'm still carrying a fear of being replaced or forgotten. I even reached out once to check if he was okay after a bad dream, and he responded kindly, by saying " Hey! No worries at all, feel free to message if it's anything concerning.
But yes, I'm doing just fine. Thank you for checking!"
The hardest part is that I keep wondering whether I overwhelmed him by wanting reassurance, affection, and consistency, or whether the breakup really was about his own readiness.
For people who have been through something similar,
How did you stop replaying the relationship in your head?
Did you eventually stop wondering whether your ex regretted leaving?
What actually helped you move forward instead of just waiting and hoping?
Looking back now, what do you wish someone had told you two months after your breakup?
I don't usually post anything related to myself online, I tend to deal with things on my own, but today I feel very defeated and alone in this, I don't feel my friends, though I love them dearly, understand how it feels. Please let me know if you needed more context, I'm more than happy to be transparent and share any info just to not think about this anymore.