SAHD vs. wife thinking of divorce
Long story short: I got medically retired from the military over 2 years ago, and my wife joined about a month after I got out. We swapped roles. We now have 2 kids, a 5 year old and 1 year old. I love taking care of my kids. I love spending time with them. I have no complaints about that whatsoever. Yes, the chronic pain and ailments are a struggle, but it’s my kids and I try and push through. What I need advice on: My wife has been cold and short with me and has been bringing up divorce a lot, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. She thinks I don’t do enough around the house. I think it comes down to cooking and doing laundry when she’s talking about house chores, and other little things. I think I should cook at least a couple times a week, her food is definitely better. And when she cooks, it’s not like I’m not doing nothing, I’m taking care of both kids still. When she gets home, we work out a deal where she works out first and I take the kids, and I’ll try to workout when she’s done. Sometimes I don’t cus time flies, I don’t want to rush it, and I consider her fitness priority cus she’s in now. I go to PT Friday evenings too. That’s usually how are weekly evenings go. I put down 1 kid and she puts down the other.
Her problem with me is a combo of a lot of “the little things” and she says she’s pulling more of the weight, and I’m not doing enough. I also understand work can be very stressful, but she’s pretty lucky to have a decently normal work schedule. She goes to work at 730 and is home by 3ish. She doesn’t have to do any 24 hour duties any months. It’s not to say that she still wouldn’t have stressful days at work, she has. She’s even had creeps at work that she’s had to deal with through the chain of command. So I understand stress, but I’m not a punching bag and I need her to be patient with me. She claims she is, but she’s mostly not from my perspective. She’s short with me, can be sweet one moment and cruel another, and I constantly walk around eggshells.
Mind you, I spent the last year, now going on year 2, getting our kid to school and managing our baby at home. I don’t know how she doesn’t see that. Yes, it’s my responsibility, and I’m not looking for pats on the back. But when I feel attacked as if I’m not doing anything, I gotta use my responsibilities as a defense mechanism (and I hate doing that).
She asked me what I would do and where I would go if/when she leaves me. That was a gut check for me. I don’t have a good relationship with my family back home (2 states away), and she knows that. I’m not going there to be far away from my kids, that’s not an option. I guess I could get a place off base, but I don’t want to be away from my kids and that’s not something I’ve even been planning for cus who tf plans for that when you’re married and talking about other plans as a couple, especially financial plans and buying a house.
I don’t know if this happens with SAHDs. You always hear about marriages falling apart with SAHMs, so I assume it goes both ways. But I’m literally trying my best, our kids are happy and thriving, we’re doing well financially (not where we’d like to be, but also not struggling cus I get my pension and she gets her pay), the house is hard to keep clean but we still clean and don’t let it get trashy or filthy (but that happens when you have little ones), and I’m very supportive with her work and patient with her.
She’s about to go on a week work training, and dropped a divorce thought or bomb on me. I don’t know what to do or think. I’m hurt, but I’m more confused. Like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I don’t talk to people. I should but military moves a lot, im not about to make a deep bond with some other mom, and some dads I talked to sound like they hate their wives so im not gonna talk to them about that either, im pretty isolated.
Anything helps I guess…