I feel like my physical health doesn’t matter as long as I comply
I’m honestly struggling and don’t really know if I’m being dramatic anymore or if this situation is genuinely unhealthy.
Two days ago I had some kind of back spasm/issue that dropped me to the floor for almost an hour. I genuinely couldn’t move properly. Since then I’ve still been expected to do a 5 hour round trip drive to pick up my sister from university and now I’m being forced to get on a 10 hour flight back home despite being in pain and waiting on medical tests.
I didn’t even want to go home in the first place. The stress around my family situation has been building for a long time and I honestly think it’s affecting me physically now.
I went to the doctor and they said it could be multiple things. They booked blood tests for later this week and an ultrasound in 3 weeks. When I explained I was worried about flying and wanted to delay it, I basically got brushed off with “get travel insurance and you’ll probably be fine.” But then the doctor also suggested off the record that I should maybe go to the accident and emergency department for a chest X-ray just to rule out anything lung related before flying.
What’s messing with my head is that even while I’m dealing with this, the expectation from my parents is still basically “you’re coming home no matter what.” There’s no real concern about how I’m feeling physically or mentally, it’s just pressure and guilt until I comply.
I’m an adult but it still feels like I have no autonomy when it comes to them. I feel trapped between fear, guilt and exhaustion and now I can’t even tell if my body is reacting to stress or if something is actually medically wrong.
Has anyone else dealt with parents who ignore your physical/mental state and just expect obedience regardless? I do not want to get on that flight and mentally I am thinking of doing terrible things just to avoid it.