THE DEAD ELITES ARE PARTYING INFINITELY AND WE ARE LEFT WITH OUR OWN CHUD LIVES, OBLIVIOUS TO EVERYTHING.
Recent discoveries have been made about the whereabouts of the supposedly "dead" elites, that apparently have been partying for centuries with normal people totally oblivious to the fact. This was found when one redditor snuck into Area 51 through close ties and connections. This is his report:
"You know dude, I always wanted eventually to see aliens when I was a kid, you know, like, that was everything I dreamed about, so like, I started trying to get into Area 51 by making friends with dudes and stuff to like, I don't know, get some inside info, or maybe even a sneak peak, but one day me and my bro were getting drunk at his place, and he was like; 'Yo dude, do you wanna sneak into the labs at 51?' And I was like 'that would be totally rad man.' So then we head over, and we kind of just like walk in, I know it's crazy, but no one stopped us, also there was this cute chick... Oh yeah, right back to the story, so me and Brad, I mean my friend, are like walking through the buildings, and he's showing me all this cool stuff, and then we came to this one door that was like 'KEEP OUT OR ELSE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL BE DESTROYED WITH NO MERCY' and we were like, 'Sick Dude' so we went in, and I kid you not, we start falling really fast, so fast that I P**sed my pants... Eventually we reached the bottom, and I was like 'Dude, where are we' I was fine and got up, but I couldn't find big B, so I was like; 'Okay' Then I walked through this door that was like 50 feet thick, yeah I kinda just melted through it like a turtle through peanut butter, any way I was like 'Totally sick dude' and I got to the end, and I kid you not that the first thing I saw, was Heath Ledger running around as the Joker just stabbing people, and I was like; 'That's Totally Radical Man!', So like I keep walking and I see Van Gogh sipping on a Matcha latte while painting the biggest portrait ever of the Orange dude, and I was like; 'Whoah' So I looked around for more people I knew, and I saw some of the coolest people, like Eddie Van Halen, Bob Ross, and Albert Einstein. and they were all with chicks just dancing it up, and I was like; 'I gotta stay in this place man, this is like the most epic place ever.' ..... But then I saw something I'll never forget when I was trying to find some sort of place to change my wet pants, and I'll never forget what I saw, it's too terrible to try and describe it, but imagine the big E, the big Did, and Stephen Hawking himself in one place. Actually I don't want to talk about it anymore."
The reporter then asked if he had taken any illegal substances before the incidence, and he replied; "Only the good stuff, apparently cocaine heals cancer dude, you should totally use it, I confirm that it works, I almost died from cancer last year, and it saved my life.... Anyway I'm gonna go have some nightmares now, and hopefully hit some good waves tomorrow."