VENT
Hi, is anyone else stressed for externals because I'm so done this whole year has been a whole mess for me and this holiday flew by so fast and I bascially just wasted the entire 14 days doing nothing. After mocks I just have no energy to study for anything because everytime I try it just doesn't work the way I expect it to be. I don't know what to do anymore like all I wanna do is just dissapear because what the fuck this year all i've experienced is downs and there was nothing good. Not to mention about the fact that everyone is just such a bitch to me at school including my teachers and deans literally draining my mental health and all I want is to fly off to another country or just fucking dissapear. They're so unreasonable and literally the worst people I've met. So fucking unsupportive and my deans had the audacity to say they felt like they didn't need to check on me because I'm just too negative. Well if you had done your job and tooik that matter seriously then this would've been resolved long ago. This whole year I've been going in and out of the councellors and they're so useless literally I wanted to . about 20 times this whoele fucking year and my grades fell OFF so bad I just don't even know what to do anymore. My mock exams were so fucking horrid everything was not up to par and I actually studied a lot for some subjects that I barely made any improvemens compared to my topic tests in term 1. I feel like i'm gonna do so bad on externals and that will literally be my breaking point. I fucking hate my life. My internals is all so bad I don't know what happened but I'm just fucking done with everything all I got was the worst grades compared to everyone else. All my friends studied at least like 10 hours+ per day this holiday and I barely scraped by 2 hours with full focus. I think whatevers going on its not just my mental health like i physically feel like i'm dying everyday and it's so hard to drag myself out of bed. Then I still have to force myself to study because I'm already so behind on every subject. The subejcts I used to be good at I compeltely fell off. I kinda distanced myself from everyone I knew irl this holiday tho because I just had no energy at all to talk to them im just so dissapointed in myself because I could have never imagined this year turning out like this.
Sorry for venting.