Should / Can I apologise?
So this is a bit of a difficult one for me to write. From the age of 11, I [40F] had a male friend. We met when I started secondary school and were close from then on (we shared the same nerdy hobbies, read the same books, and had a similar shyness). When I was 18, I finally admitted that I'd loved him for years and we started dating... for about three days. On that day, I had come home to find my mother in the aftermath of being SAed by my father. As I tried to help her, she explained that he'd been abusing her for years. I didn't know how to handle any of this. The next day, I broke up with my (boy)friend and, despite his best efforts to talk to me, I mostly avoided him for the last month. He looked so devastated every time I saw him, but I was far too much of a coward to explain things to him. A few weeks later we went our separate ways to Uni. We have never spoken again. Recently, by chance, I found a work profile for him (similar industries. We're unlikely to ever meet organically, but the fields are not completely separate). I would love nothing more than to contact him, apologise for everything, and explain that it was never anything he did. I don't want a relationship (hell, the shame I still feel makes me want to never speak to him again - again), but I still want so badly to tell him that I'm sorry for hurting him at such a young and vulnerable point in his life. I am aware, though, that it's been over 20 years. He's moved on with his life and any closure would possibly just be a selfish act on my part. What do you think, reddit?