Pending inheritance just makes me sad
In the near future I am expecting an inheritance that is likely to double or more the net worth of my wife and I. I would give it all up if the person it is coming from was able to recover.
A while back my wife ended up with really bad PTSD from her job and was tossed out by her employer despite legal protections (we live in a red state where those protections are mere window dressing). She ended up doing a fair bit of elderly care to feel worth. She cared for Vietnam vet until his death, then a woman with Alzheimer's until her passing, then another very elderly woman who also passed. The husband of the Alzheimer's passing ended up a very close friend, he was estranged from his children (20+ years of no contact), and had a close-knit circle of friends, but not much else. He asked my wife to care for him when his time came. We of course agreed (I say we because she wanted my input), because we both liked him a lot, and he came from a career in the same field as my wife (prior to PTSD). Over a few years he ended up making her the sole inheritor of everything. We didn't think much of it, we are both more focused on taking care of ourselves and proud of what we have built.
A few weeks ago he suffered a terrible injury and ended up in the hospital. He had left a folder of documents for my wife, including various powers of attorney. It has been an emotional roller coaster trying to get him the best care possible and trying to set him up for a full recovery. We consulted with his estate attorney at almost every step, but he also left very explicit instructions. Due to the nature of the injury and deficits caused by it his condition has drastically declined. The initial hospital he was transported to sucked, but we moved him to one that has been wonderful, but he has been in ICU, the ER and IMU and has done nothing but decline. Ultimately after talking with the attorney and re-reading a lot of documents he had left, she decided to put him into in patient hospice. I think I have cried more than her. It is hard for me, and I am in a career that I have had almost constant contact with the sick, inured, dying and have had to call the time of death of dozens of people, but knowing him and the personal dignity he carried, it is really hard for me to see this. My wife has had very close relationships with the old folks she cared for, and this is #4 in 4 years.
She and I have worked hard, lived below our means, been careful with our money and counted on nothing else. I would gladly give up my own money to give her friend a few more years on this planet with independence. Instead, she is going to get a windfall we never asked for, expected, and honestly, I keep hearing "more money more problems" in the back of my mind. To me, what is worse, is he has asked for NO funeral. We have been talking about some sort of get together that is not a funeral for his closest friends to celebrate him and his life. We were lucky to know him and his late wife,
In a few days, weeks, months we will have to confront what is coming. Fortunately, he has a lot of detailed documentation, a great attorney, but none of that will alleviate the emotional distress. He has explicitly stated that nothing goes to his blood, but I am personally inclined to ignore some of that, especially in regard to items that have sentimental value.
I do not feel some sort of guilt, but it all feels icky. My wife and I do not put a value on friendship and love. We are both agnostic/atheist but put high value on taking care of others. Our careers are ones that are based in public and emergency service, we chose this path knowing that money was less, but the social value was worth more to us.
I am not asking for anything in this post, only a way to vent with a group of people that are all facing inheritance in different ways. I cannot easily speak to those close to me about this. If it means anything I am late gen X and have always placed a strong value on independence and giving back to society for the fortune I have had, I want to earn anything I receive. I am a first born with poor relationship with my own parents and have always had to count on me. I hope that my experience is of interest or value to someone else, or even perhaps someone else has felt the same sadness I feel now and I know that I am not some sort of weird fool.