is it the kisser, or the kissing...
(26f) Dismissive avoidant here and conquering my biggest fears in recent years!
Never been in a relationship but had a series of casual dates which would involve emotional intimacy but not physical. Met a guy recently and he is very romantic, passionate, sexually open, whilst I am not. I like being with him and my attraction has grown over time, but every time we have kissed I feel absolutely nothing, or even don't like it. Not turned on at all (I can feel it when by myself so I know things are working!). We are also approaching it casually and non exclusive, with intimacy (physically and emotionally) but not relationship and there are no issues of jealousy- this is something which currently suits me and is what has allowed me to feel more open in the dynamic.
I have an avoidant attachment style and some previous trauma which put me off general closeness with people. I want to explore intimacy with him (he is very welcoming about this topic). But I just really dislike the kissing. I thought I was a bit rusty so tried a few more times, but nope, there's no build up at all. Just straight to wet sloppy kisses which devour my face. I get completely in my own head and think I'm doing it wrong, and what techniques I can pull to keep up. We communicated about what we like but things didn't really change. I think he just prefers kissing hard and fast, whereas I want build up and adding tongue gradually and mutually.
I have little kissing experience and wonder if anyone has felt this before.. is it normal to not be going in light at first and instead going straight with tongue. Am I crazy for wanting a little dry kiss at first?! And why do people even like that?!
On top of this, I am good with touching his upper body but I feel so awkward approaching his crotch, I guess out of the fear that it will escalate things when I'm already not feeling the kissing.
I definitely will discuss these concerns with him, in a productive and nice a way as possible. But have others experienced this and it has gotten better? Am I simply not attracted enough to him and should call it quits?