u/WhereAreMyDarnPants

There was a social function I had to attend at a local sports bar. I’m 136 days in. It’s the first time I’ve stepped into a bar since I got clean.

Walking in, a wave of memories and nostalgia hit me. After more than two decades of going pro with my drinking antics, I’m in an early retirement now. The smells, the friends cheering, the laughter - the isolation hit hard.

The first 10 minutes were the worst. I thought about breaking. I miss the carefree attitude of not HAVING to live with these rules. I miss the ability to just relax and not worry about what can feel like a prison of self inflicted regulations. Seeing social groups of guys around laughing with their glasses overflowing made me feel alone. The 21 year old celebrating her birthday downing an entire beer to a cheering room. I felt alone in a sea of jovial and social electricity.

I wanted to be back. I wanted to raise a glass and socialize with strangers. I wanted the tension and pain to melt away.

I was irritable.

But after that fist 10 minutes, I settled in with my iced tea and did pretty well. I consider myself lucky that I physically don’t want to put beer in my gut. It throws off my gut biome. Sure, the first couple drinks used to make me the life of the party, but I almost always crossed a line to place I wasn’t proud of the next morning. And the hangovers. Whew I don’t miss them. They just got worse and worse as I got older.

It was a two hour event, and ya know what? I settled in and did just fine. It was a little rough, but it passed. I’m proud of myself tbh.

It’s been tough these last couple of weeks. I’ve felt socially isolated without drinking beer. Like I’m the odd man out. Like I’m damaged. Like something is wrong with me. I wish I could just casually and socially drink like so many others… but I’ve accepted that I can’t. That’s not me.

Despite the isolation and grieving of the good drunken times, I am healthier now. My body and mind thank me. It’s not easy, but I’m doing it. My sobriety is a gift. Not always an easy gift, oftentimes painful and lonely, but I’m putting my mind and body first.

I consider myself lucky that I have a good friend who is an amazing role model. He’s been sober 6 years and is amazing and full of energy and life. He has proven to me not only that sobriety is possible, but sobriety is BETTER. I don’t need booze to be social. I don’t need booze to be the life of the party. I can open up without it if I allow myself.

I wish it was easier at times, but I just keep pushing through, knowing I’m cultivating my own health and not damaging my one and only body. Now I really feel like I understand the saying - Your body is a temple. Aging really makes it hit home. This is the one and only body and mind that I have. I ain’t getting any younger. I need to be delicate, kind, and forgiving to myself.

Tomorrow, I might pop back into this sub, struggling, asking for support, and I thank this community for that. But tonight I won for the 136 day in a row. I didn’t cave and I’m so happy and thankful for this amazing gift of sobriety.

Onto day 137.

🍻 (👈 that’s iced tea.)

Does anyone one it the Odyssey pop up shop at the Venetian will be there on July 3 & 4?

If so, any idea the hours or if a reservation is required?

My kingdom for an Ember Shores 23 XXL Jersey!