u/WhoIsMarkku

To be honest, I’m going to keep this relatively short. I’m a believer. I’ve believed in God since I was 14, although I was never really a follower, didn’t go to church, etc. Because of a dream, I eventually ended up going back to church (I’m 21 now), and I actually had a pretty good time there for a while.

But I have a social problem. I’m pretty antisocial, and I struggle with being in places with a lot of people, feeling like I belong, or feeling like people actually welcome me.

I’ve been in rebellion for about a month and a half now. I feel a huge emptiness in my soul. I’ve felt empty for years, but somehow God made it worse. Before going back to church, I was barely keeping myself afloat on my own. Now I feel like a complete mess, with no hope for life. And sometimes I feel like God is so selfish that He won’t even let me die.

I feel like God abandoned me. And to make things worse, I refuse to go back to church because I feel like people are going to look at me differently or judge me. And yes, I know you’re supposed to go to church for God, but I’m not going to pretend that my discomfort and feelings don’t matter.

I made a lot of mistakes during my teenage years. I almost killed a family member during a fight, and later I caused a lot of chaos and hurt my ex-partners badly. The emptiness and silence I feel now sometimes feel like God’s ultimate punishment.

Or maybe God wants me to take a leap of faith, risk everything, and put everything in His hands? I honestly don’t know.

All I know is that I’m extremely angry at God right now, and I feel disgusted by everything surrounding Him.

HOLAAAAAA Espero que anden bien
Ando en buscando amigos, para que pasemos el rato, parlemos y nos caigamos biem
Soy chico de 20 años muy antisocial, por algo estoy aca, ahr

Mis gustos giran en lo geek; juegos, series, peliculas, marvel, el señor de los anillos, ultimamente estoy muy pegado a linternas de hbo, mi anime fav es cyberpunk edgerunners asi como mi juego favorito es el cyberpunk 2077... aunque no soy ver anime, me encanta dororo, 91 days, jjk, pero soy muy mucho mas de los superheroes, soy fav de constantine y gambito, soy jugador de lolsito (support) y overwatch (support) y quizas vuelva a marvel rivals (support xd)

espero caerles bien, y no tengo problema con la edad, ni nada de esas cosas!

Eso, busco people con la cual jugar, pasarla bien y rankear!

Honestly, I feel pretty lost in life right now and I have very little motivation or will to do anything.

I first learned about God when I was 14, but for a long time I didn't really give Him much importance. Now I'm 20, and I have this strong desire to know Him, follow Him, and have my life centered around Him. The problem is that I'm struggling a lot.

I struggle with obedience, with leaving sin behind, and especially with maintaining a strong faith. Every day, doubts come into my mind and constantly make me question what I believe about God. They're not just occasional questions. I feel like they slowly eat away at me and end up affecting my relationship with Him.

There was a period when I tried to focus completely on God. I stopped using social media, stopped watching +18 content, tried to read the Bible, pray, and worship Him more consistently. But strangely, I felt like I was getting worse every day. I never found the peace I was hoping to find, and that ended up making me question things even more.

Nowadays, I struggle to even open my Bible, which is sitting in a drawer. Sometimes I talk to God, but shortly afterward all the doubts come back. I start wondering whether I'm really understanding who He is, whether He really is good, whether I'm doing things the right way, and so on.

I don't feel good in the world either. I've been isolated for years because of things that happened in my past, and right now I feel like I don't really have a purpose beyond simply existing and doing the bare minimum.

And that's what hurts the most: I want to find a purpose. I want to know God. I want to follow Him. I want Him to be at the center of my life. But I feel like my own doubts are preventing me from even taking that small step of faith.

I'm not writing this to attack Christianity or convince anyone to abandon their faith. Quite the opposite. I'm writing because I genuinely want to understand, I want to believe, and I honestly need guidance from people who may have gone through something similar.

If you've experienced constant doubts, struggled to believe, felt distant from God, or failed to find peace despite trying to get closer to Him, how did you deal with it?

What did you do to keep seeking God when you simply didn't have the strength to keep going?

I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and respond. I'm not an expert in theology, and English isn't my first language, so I apologize if I don't express myself perfectly.

Thank you for reading.