Early empty nest
I got divorced three years ago. It was my decision. I didn’t end up with a lot of money and their dad is pretty well off. Their father provides them with the path of least resistance. He has bought them cars to live with him, pays daughter’s car insurance, both kids cell phone bills, gaming computers, ebikes, clothes galore. He doesn’t bug them about grades or curfews. He often spends the nights sleeping over and partying up his new single life in the city letting them stay alone in his house overnight. Staying up doing whatever they want. They are now 15(son) and 19(daughter). They get a lot of freedom living with him and I make them “earn” money so they have chosen to live with him full time. They also said it’s just easier to not go back and forth and he encourages them too, because otherwise he owes $350/mo in child support.
I realize they are old enough to choose. I’m just sad. I feel so completely depressed. I know they love me. But they are 10 minutes away and even though my daughter and I are still close and see each other once or twice a week and hangout, I’ve only spent a total of 3 hours with my son in the past four months.
Most people don’t have to go through this until their kids are graduated but I feel like I’m literally going to miss my sons teenage years completely unless I move home near family out of state so he will come to see me for summers.
I just feel completely pointless, worthless, unimportant. I thought it would go away if I just focused on work, run my business, go to the gym, see my friends every week and stay distracted but I break down every week at least once sobbing. Just a childless mom whose children don’t need her anymore. I’m only 41. The thought of having to go through 40-50 more years of purposelessness makes me want to curl up and go to sleep and not get up again. At least If I were a ghost I’d be able
to see them live their lives.
My ex husband didn’t treat me very well for 20 years and I finally had the courage to leave. I did a lot of healing and finally like myself again as a person but I wish I had just kept my mouth shut and stayed until they were 18. This is not how I imagined it would go. I would go back & choose being disrespected and used by him for five extra years if I knew leaving meant I’d be an empty nester when my son is only a high school sophomore. 50/50 was hard enough the first two years. Now it’s 100/0 and I’m the 0.
I know it will get better but I’m very down. I try to stay grateful that they aren’t upset with me. The joy then sadness I feel when I get a call or text often sends me into tears because I miss them so much.
Feeling like a mid-life extreme measure is in order. Like I’m a rocket ship about to blast off but I don’t know what I need. I don’t have much but I’m healthy and desperate to feel better.
Anyone have any ideas for me? What would you do?