Advice for a black woman on OLD
I’m a dark skinned Black woman in my mid-late 40s with three children, all over the age of 12, so they’re independent and I have time to date. I’m financially secure, educated, own my home and have a job that supports me and my kids. But it has been brutal trying to date again. Very few matches with OLD, and when I do match, I’ve found that the majority of the time it’s men with racial fetishes they want to fulfil, or people who spend the date looking around at other women.
I’m not unattractive, but I’m also not a knockout. I’m a generally small person (5’0 and 110 lbs) with an average looking face. I have the usual apron belly from childbirth and a small chest. It’s been 6 years since my separation, and one year since my divorce. I spent a lot of time healing, and I’ve been ready and trying for a year because I was waiting to be fully divorced to date. I would like to find someone, but it can be demoralizing to hear how easy it is for women to date, while not really getting much traction online or in person. I’m also quiet so I don’t have the bubbly loud personality that attracts others to me, but I do put myself out there.
I would like advice on how others, especially dark skinned Black women, deal with this issue. How do you avoid the fetish seekers, and weed out men who are just settling for you when they can’t get other dates? How do I make sure I’m not settling for either, when I’m also not considered the “cream of the crop” by the majority of men on dating apps?
I’m aware of the research and dark skinned black women have disproportionately low match rates with OLD. I have no racial preference and swipe on a good number of men whose profiles I find interesting. It is easy to declare that it doesn’t matter, but it can be discouraging. How do you keep from losing hope?