How to bring up newfound openness to poly with my girlfriend?
My girlfriend and I (both 18F) have been dating for several years now, we got together early in high school and have been happily together since. We're currently long-distance and have been for over two years due to family stuff on her end, but we've been making it work!
Earlier in our relationship, my girlfriend tried a few times to casually bring up polyamory. The first time, a girl that went to her high school joined our relationship briefly, but I didn't know her very well, and she ended up leaving my girlfriend very shortly after, which caused a lot of drama. I had felt conflicted at the time, and was quietly relieved when things went "back to normal."
About a year and a half later (we were long-distance by this point), my girlfriend casually mentioned having a crush on a girl she saw, and again brought up that she would be open to being poly in the future. I was a very insecure teenager at the time, and I sort of panicked and shot her down because I assumed that our relationship wasn't enough for her. She reassured me that she loved me, and she hasn't brought anything related to that up since.
Over the years, however, my thoughts have changed. The insecurities and jealousy that I was prone to when I was younger have gone away, and as I've gotten more educated, I've realized that the idea of a polyamorous relationship actually sounds really pleasant.
I love my girlfriend deeply, and I know that she loves me too. I don't think either of us feel a pressing need to change anything about our relationship. But part of me is suddenly always wondering if her attraction to the idea of a poly relationship ever went away, and if she would think less of me for bringing it up again now that we're older, especially since I shot her down a few years ago.
It would be tricky to make things work long-distance, I think. There would probably be the issue of one partner potentially feeling isolated from the others, if either of us invited someone in that we knew in-person. But we do plan to live together someday, so maybe then?
I don't know. I'm very happy with my girlfriend and with our relationship, but whenever I see a happy poly couple, meet someone that I'm attracted to and think my girlfriend would also really like, or think back to how cute it was in retrospect when she gushed about her new crush to me... I feel like I might have missed my chance at something that could've been wonderful for both of us, and I'm so anxious about bringing it up to her again in the right way.