The Split Self/Are You Able To Lie To Yourself?/Are You Aware That You're Lying To Yourself?
It has come to my attention that some people lie to themselves and others(crazy, I know).
I can not lie without feeling very uncomfortable and I'd like to believe that I live in accordance with my values and can face myself when I mess up. I've observed through a few people now cognitive disassociation. And here's my theory on what's happening.
1.) A private self where they foster a lot of shame and know that they lie. This self knows the truth and understands the impact but feels too much shame to accept reality. This gets shoved down and ignored in favor of a more acceptable false reality.
2.) And a public self where the maintenance of their reputation matters more than actual integrity.
That split is why you see a lot of standard abusive behavior; you call them out on saying one thing and doing another and they'll say "I'm a victim and that's why I did that" or they try and gaslight you by saying you're the problem for noticing this incongruity. They'll say "you're misunderstanding reality" or "don't be so sensitive/don't recognize this as an issue."
They lie to themselves and want you to live in accordance to the lies they tell themselves. They want to believe they are good, kind, honest people irrespective of how they actually behave.
Part of them can not accept that they do bad things, and so when faced with evidence of wrong-doing, they reject and deny and do anything other than take accountability. The private self can't handle it.
I'm not the first person to realize this, but it's been useful for me to figure out and organize it for myself.
I know this system is probably very prominent in narcissists but I'm moreso applying it to generally more average people. I've seen normal people employ it.
My question is, are certain types more prone to this split system? Are some types less likely to lie to themselves in this manner? Thoughts?