u/Wise_Independent7788

how do i drop stuff on steam deck

Problem/Goal: I’ve been feeling so irritable, easily annoyed, and sometimes downright numb when talking to her. I always ask for assurance, get it, yet even the smallest of things make me down it.

Context: Me and my gf are LDR, Hawai’i to Philippines. We’re trying our best. Last year, we had some fights (people I was uncomfy with, sudden changes in behavior, getting called “nakakaasar” when asking for reassurance because it was repetitive) in short, I was anxious attachment and you know how that goes. Then this year, I fucked up and hurt her. Now we’ve both forgiven each other and are strangely stronger now.

However, I feel so tired now. Like I can’t let go of some of the fights we had last year (a few were I got ignored after getting scolded by my parents, I turned to her for comfort but k-drama and beer won lol, she did apologize the next day but it never felt right. The next was a new friend she made started to get super close to her, the guy would just call kasi “tamad mag chat” even sinasabay with us pag nakacall kami claiming “org stuff” pero maya maya nagluluto and kumakain na pala sa harap niya and still naka call. Then all I asked was for regular updates, and even that was forgotten. “umuulan kasi nagmamadali” i said then chat before leaving. calls that we never ended suddenly started ending because its LDR now. It all changed so fast and I was left behind. And every time I brought up how I felt, it would always end with me apologizing no matter what it was.

So ofcourse me, I brought it up kasi bakit ganon? Eh just last year when I was still in the Philippines, I cut off my female friends because she didnt like how often I chatted with them. I obliged ofc.

Fast forward this year, I fucked up and I am still reeling from it. I almost ended us, but she forgave me and we moved on from it now treat it as a joke, but basically I made a friend here and didnt tell her about it at first, only told her when we decided to meet up which I lied to her about when we met. I never spoke to that person again and have been continuously trying to make up for everything.

Anyway now, I feel were “stronger” in a way, more secure. She said she understood that she was unfair to me last year and I still apologize for what I did.

but these days somethings changed in me. issues that used to bother me still do yet i dont voice out anymore, feels easier to keep things in.

and how close she is again with her new friends, idk. I dont feels special anymore. everything she tells me she tells them, stuff she tells them doesnt tell me. talking to them to happily yet quiet and non-energetic. that steamdeck i bought her for us to play unused. she always says “pag nagtugma time natin” but when we do have days in the house shed rather be on socmed, or when im talking to her shed be distracted by chats from her friends that shed tune me our. shed say sorry, i have to explain again.

now shes out with friends after a night of drinking with them a few days ago. She hasnt replied in 3 hours, I say “okay shes out with friends” sees shes online 20 mins ago, gets curious, I check her messenger (she has mine to and ironically she used to monitor me just like this when I cut my friends off) she chatted with those friends shes currently with rn and im left at the bottom unresponded to.

Now idk what to do, I dont feel chosen and heard or even wanted anymore. she says she loves, misses, and wants me, but those words dont feel like anything anymore. after i work 4 am to 12 am shifts while studying just so that I can send her gifts since its one of the only things I can do (because things like games, movies, or anything else wont work because she gets bored).

Im at am impass and I need some perspective.