r/Emotions

Seems I just can’t be happy at all anymore

because the person you really loved, did not reciprocated the same for you and now you feel so empty that you will talk to anyone atp even tho you don't like the person you are talking to right now, just to fill that empty feeling...

How does someone become insensitive? I am hypersensitive and i hate it. I cry about everything i am tired of crying. I can literally cry for 12 hours straight. What should i do?
Also, my life is a mess at the moment.

Hii, i was looking for tips to cry, because i found really hard to cry, like it needs to be something rlly hard so i can cry. But lately i want to cry but i just cant cry, so i was wondering if yall got any tips (no self harming or things like that) and also if anyone knows why there are people that cant cry as easily as other persons.

Thank you!

Nothing here

So my twin brother who is 2 minutes younger than me cracked neet this year and i couldn't...I didn't work hard neither did I study much ...now he is gonna go to College soon...he has also recently bought ipad my father got it for him...I am very happy for my brother...but at the same time I feel sad too i couldn't I have taken my 1st drop for ....am currently working hard trying my best ...their is a kind of sadness which am trying to express in words everyone on WhatsApp is congratulating my brother and also like every relative congratulates him ...I am very very happy for my brother i don't have any kind of jealousy i always prayed for him I feel sad because I couldn't make it ...I now avoid going in any family gatherings cuz I don't no how should I react as a neet failure infront of the gathering...two brothers got same study material and one couldn't make it ...i feel bad like my brother is gonna go after 1 month to college I will be alone in my room I shared my room with him since we were 8 ...am gonna miss him too he is very supportive for me ...when i come from my coaching and he is out for some work or something i feel kind of empty when he is not in my room now he is gonna go forever and rarely come Home.....I will be left alone in my room with an exam to crack for which am currently trying hard

. currently... i oftenly many times feel like i am about to cry but I control myself sometims cuz of low tests scores or sometimes because of my toxic father or sometimes because of the feeling that my brother is soon gonna go and I will miss him ....i hope I make it idk ....i just wanted to share what I was feeling from the past few days online...maybe it helps in express my feelings

it's weird how i can be surrounded by everything and still feel like i'm missing something i can't even name.

I’m not always sad.
Sometimes I’m just… absent.

I wake up, go through my day, answer when I have to, laugh when something is actually funny, and do everything I’m supposed to do.

But inside, everything feels strangely distant.
Things I used to look forward to don’t excite me anymore.

Talking to people feels exhausting, even when they’re people I genuinely care about.

Sometimes I see a message and think, I’ll answer later.

Then hours pass.
Then a day.

And suddenly I feel guilty for disappearing when I never actually wanted to disappear from anyone.

I just didn’t have the energy to be present.
That’s the strange thing about depression.

You can love your life and still not want to participate in it.
You can love people and still want to be alone.
You can have absolutely no reason to feel this way and still wake up feeling like everything is too much.

And when someone asks, “What’s wrong?”
You don’t know.
You just know that you’re not yourself.

And honestly, sometimes I miss the version of me who could enjoy things without having to try.

I’ve been trying to put these feelings into words lately because sometimes writing them down is the only way I can make sense of them.

Does anyone else feel like they’re living their life from a distance?

i geneuinely cant find it in me to care about the people or things around me, even myself. i try to change but it never gets anywhere because i just stop caring after a day or two. the only thing i discovered that i care about are attention (for which ive started working out). i find myself more and more just reacting to whats around me like a robot and passing the time away. i smile when it feels like im supposed to smile i laugh when it feels like im supposed to laugh and i find it increasingly difficult to pretend to care when i dont.

I don't know what am I doing. Or why am I feeling this way. I'm always empty inside, since I was a kid, there must be something I'm not satisfied with. Or maybe, I'm just not grateful...?

I remembered when I was only kid, my life is just happy and all that. And when my younger sister was born, all is fine. I'm excited because people are excited. Think everything will be fine. Then my parents, especially my dad, start having favouritism on her and enabled all her bad behaviours until growing up. He's joking "I love her more." and as a kid myself that time, I don't think it's a joke at all. I'm not close to my parents anymore since then, I despise her so much, I grow up to have resentment towards everything. I used to be close to my parents but since then, I stopped being the happiest go lucky kid they all know. And the relatives keep asking why. I can't even answer myself.

Growing up, I'm desperate for friends validation. Because at home I have no one who gets me, my friends are the important ones in my life. Number 1 before my parents. My parents they won't listen to my stories, they just want to listen to reply. And then condemn for nothing. So I stopped talking and pivot. At school back then, I'm still a quiet kid, I hardly makes friend but once I got one, I'm fiercely loyal to the point of I would do anything for them. And everything goes well. I got my first bestie at 7, we be friends for years and she left me for another friend group when we're 11. We've been best friends for 5 years, and she left me just like that. No closure no whatsoever. I was left alone, people who knows we're always together always ask "where's her?". I don't know. I think that's the catalyst of my first depression era. It's the confirmation of every things I've been thinking about myself that "I'm never enough." and "I don't deserve love."

In highschool, I got one new bestie again. Idk what kind of pattern is this, but the early friendship always all fairytale and intense happiness like "we're going to be soulmates" feelings. Me and my bestie both felt it. Not only me. The happiness is real. We fit each other too much, understand each other without needing to talk. And then the friendship becomes toxic.

3 years being her bestie, I can't take it anymore. There's a lot of things I resent about her, that my immature self tend to vent my feelings to mutual friends, because I just wanna be understood that time. It was hard. Everyone loves her. Maybe because of her quirky personality, she's someone who's fun to be around. But being long enough to see every sides of her, I know her darksides. So I hate her. I resented her for many things and walked away from the friendship after many unread letters that I gave to her. I heard from a mutual friend, she torn all the letter and throw it into rubbish bin. When I walked away from the friendship, my second depression era began. This time, it was intense. This was the time I really am not myself anymore, I've changed, and I hurt myself. My parents saw the changes but can't do anything. They're concern, asking about my skin but I'm too tired to explain. Friendship breakup is the worst. After me the one who walked away from her, I just hope that she got his karma. But waiting for her karma, I'm just torturing myself. Mind you everyone, I'm still an immature teenage that time. So I'm so sorry for acting that way. But she really made me feel miserable, to the point that I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE SCHOOL BCS I FEEL LIKE I WANNA VOMIT. I wanna blame her for everything that happened to me.

Just after leaving her behind, I got better friends. They treat me better, understand me. I think I got what I want. The friendship group that always include me like their second family. But the heaviness in my chest weighen me down everytime I see her, pass by her, or even heard someone mentioning her name. I can't explain what's the feeling I'm feeling. Heavy. Sad. Yet I don't want her anymore. I just want the version of us that didn't exist anymore. Maybe, I started to learn grieve that time. I really don't understand. Even with better friends, 5x better than her, that I can learn how to smile again, my heart is still heavy with unsaid needs.

(Recent) In college, the cycle started again. I met my friend of "day 1" and we're so close again because we had fun with each other. We romanticized this friendship together, and months later we always fight. It's not loud. Yet it's the most painful in silence. Years it's still like that. We learn how to "communicate", learned how to tolerate each other and understand each other's flaws, but the more I'm with her, the more I lost myself. I yearned for the group of friendship when I looked at my other classmates. I wanna be happy like them. Why can't I be happy like them? My bestie here choose me everyday and always remember me. But why do I still feel...lost and lonely? Maybe I just missed my highschool friend group. Maybe I'm just grieving. Or maybe I'm just not grateful after all.

And now, if you read my previous post, my latest bestie breakup with me. She walked away first, telling me we're very different in personalities and that she said "I'm sorry if you think I'm the one who's wrong". It's my last straw. She's always like that. Always will insert passive aggressive thingy in everything she did with me. I know she resented a lot of things about me too, since the communication didn't work anymore. It's more to the race of misunderstandings. And I think, there's no point of holding onto thinning thread anymore. It's time to cut it loose and clean. So I accepted it. I replied to her shortly, base on whatever she said in her note. I just replied to her neutrally, I don't think it's a proper closure from both of us, but atleast we know where we're standing. I told her we need space because this friendship is not healthy anymore and stopped us from growing. I know I contributed to a lot of heartaches in this friendship, same goes to her. But I really can't take myself to apologize properly when she already see me as the villain in her story. So that's it. Enough is enough.

So, I'm used to being lonely. I'm used to eat alone, standing alone awkwardly, do anything and people look at me pitifully, to the point now it's just part of me. I enjoy my solitude now, but my heaviness in the heart still didn't fade. I got to learn about myself again, about what I like, etc, but I looked back in the past with a lot of 'what ifs." I know I'm the one who's wrong too, so that's why I need to heal myself first and fix myself before loving someone again. But-

No matter how much you're used to live in hell, you still yearn to get out of here. So do me. I don't want to be lonely forever like this. Why am I like this.? Why do everything I do feels lonely and heavy. How do I get out of here.? Loving myself? What's the point of it if I feel numb and can't feel the happiness in the present.? In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, my biggest problem is the love and belonging. Is there something wrong with me.? Why can't I feel belong anywhere.? Am I actually a bad person? Am I actually narcissist and don't deserve what I want? I don't wanna sounds like her. But please. I just want to belong. I've tried already to fill the water in my cup, I control myself to have some dignity to not be desperate for other people's validation and connection. But I'm still a human. I'm gonna say here. I want to belong. Somewhere. Please.