Relapsed and going through an extremely rough time
I was doing so well and then failed myself. I had quit for over 100 days but then suffered a lot of awful things in a short time span. A storm caused a tree to fall on my my house. I lost nearly everything I have. Insurance has been great, so I am in a rental and they are going to pay to re-build it all. It's just there were things my grandmother gave me before she died that are destroyed now. Things my dad gave me are gone. I wanted to go back to 7 but I still stayed away.
Then my grandmother who I was extremely close with passed away unexpectedly. I was devastated. I wanted to take 7 but I didn't. The final straw was my husband getting into a stupid argument with his boss and getting fired out of nowhere. Now, I have to hold everything together. I have to deal with his depression over being unemployed. I have to pick up a ton of extra hours at work so I can help make up some of the money that we lost.
I broke down because I was feeling close to suicidal. I bought some 7 and, of course, it made me feel a ton better. Everything suddenly felt great and my problems seemed so far away for a while. I tried to keep it very small in hopes that things won't get as bad. I've only been taking 25mg a day and leaving it at that. Refusing to go above that no matter what happens. I've been able to stick to 25mg for over a month now. But I also know that I have to stop again. I can't let it go as far as I did the last time. It's just really tough when your life sucks and everything seems to be going wrong. THC just wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I get it is bad to be dependent on anything, so I gotta do better. Things are just really difficult right now and I feel alone and exhausted. I start wondering if it is even worth it anymore. I am lucky to get a few months of feeling well before it all crashes down again. Anyway, I do apologize for the self-pity rant i'm doing here. I'm not usually like this. I just needed to get all of that out. I am going to stop again after this last few are gone. I know I will just go back to being miserable but I guess that is at least better than being addicted and taking way too many again. Thanks for reading my "woe is me" rant.