Am I alone?
Does any other mom/dads find the simple question “how many kids do you have?” to be one of the most crippling questions ?
As soon as I am asked this question I become nauseous, I feel like I can’t breathe, I can’t move, and my freeze, fight, or flight responses kick in.
It’s been 5 years since we lost our daughter, and I still give a different answer each time. The truth is, I still don’t know which one hurts the least.
Do I say 4, and nothing else? Do I say 4, but only 3 here with me? Do I say 3, and die a little more inside while the guilt takes over that for a moment I acted like she’s not a huge part of our family? If I give a simple answer of ‘4’ there’s usually always a follow up question of how old are they? Then I have to decide, do I answer with how old she SHOULD be or how old she was?
Sometimes, explaining is too painful, it’s too exhausting. Sometimes, the fact I got out of bed that day was truly more than I felt I could do.
I guess I’m just wondering does anyone else struggle with things that seem so innocent and small to someone but to you it’s paralyzing? It feels like it knocks every bit of air out of my lungs.
🩷🩵🪽Tinsley Rae forever 2 months & 16 days old 🪽🩷🩵