Does anyone else struggle with feeling defined by the worst version of themselves?
I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if this situation would make anyone else feel weird too.
My ex has been talking about wanting to be friends again because we “have a great friend connection,” and honestly part of me wants that too. But at the same time she’s getting close with someone I spent YEARS trying really hard to be friends with, and apparently this girl had issues with me the whole time that were never actually communicated to me directly.
The thing is we weren’t even insanely close friends, which almost makes it feel weirder. She was just someone whose friendship/approval I really valued, and she saw firsthand how much I agonized over my relationship and everything surrounding it. So now finding out years later that she seemingly viewed me negatively the entire time just feels kinda shitty and petty to process.
And what’s bothering me isn’t even “you can’t be friends with her.” People can do whatever they want. It’s more that I’m struggling with the disconnect of someone saying they care about me and want friendship with me while also getting close with someone who apparently never liked me and discussing me in spaces where I’m clearly viewed negatively.
Like you watched me emotionally spiral over this relationship for years. You know how I operate. So it’s hard for me not to feel uncomfortable or a little emotionally unsafe with all of this.
I know I haven’t always been the best version of myself and I’m genuinely trying to heal and move forward and do right by people. I’ve fully stepped away and tried to be respectful. I think that’s why this whole thing irritates me so much. It makes me feel like I’m being defined forever by the worst and most emotional period of my life.
Idk. Maybe I’m overexplaining. I just needed to get this out somewhere.